Hurricanes Part 2 🌀💦

Hurricanes are a bitch. Always on the horizon during hurricane season when you live in the Southwest, mostly false alarms, they are disruptive to the spirit and schedule, but when they hit like Ian did they are a catastrophic nightmare, rending untold loss.

The strange part is…before and after the bright sun and clear blue sky are mocking, Mother Nature meanly strutting her stuff.

The other craziness is how disparate the effects are, discriminating for no apparent reason between one community and another, wrecking complete destruction through water or wind on another and leaving another wholly untouched.

The complete unpredictability from one hurricane to the next is also astounding. Your house is safe. You believe you can weather another storm there and boom your property is wiped out and you nearly die or maybe do.

The lessons of hurricanes are threefold in my observation.

They are a reminder of the vast power of nature, unharnessable and uncontrollable even in our modern age of technology.

They are a gift, centering you, bringing everything to a halt and helping you focus on priorities, including detox from modern amenities and connectivity, taking us back to a former savage, rustic era when it was not so easy to be mobile in the physical of remote sense, when families engaged in reading, Board game night and bedtime at sunset, conserving energy during the hottest daylight hours, food and physical provision a central concern of daily life.

And they are a harbinger, blowing away the veil that thinly covers things that really don’t matter so much in life or relationships that have gone cockeyed through the busyness of the rat race.

Hurricane 🌀

I am reflecting on Hurricane Irma, the only other hurricane I have lived through since moving to Florida, as Hurricane Ian approaches. At that time I was still married. This time around I have been single for 4 years. We evacuated to the panhandle then. Today my girls and I are riding it out in place at the townhouse I bought after my divorce, with all 5 of our pets, one puppy, two kitties, a Beta fish & a fluffy little white hamster.

I noticed after Hurricane Irma how the winds of a Hurricane can blow away that which no longer serves. For me it clarified that my 20 year marriage had come to its end. Within 8 months I was divorced and on my own for my first time in my adult life.

After Irma I developed a hurricane plan that involved leaving town and only returning when power returns. I did this once in 2019, leaving with my kids to shelter with a friend in Minnesota. That hurricane (Dorian) petered out. But the tricky thing about an evacuation plan is that you really don’t know until the last minute. The last place I want to be is out on the road in the line of storm fire with the potential of running out of gas.

So…here we are, my two girls (10 and 12) and I hunkered down with our pets. I had considered evacuating by flight, exploring various options, band had made arrangements for my ex to take the puppy and for him to bring kids to check on the other pets. But I was returning from Mexico late at night two days before the storm and everyone I was talking to and traveling with was planning to stay. Once you decide you are kind of bound to that. In this case, the strength of the storm and the path changed so that now we are expecting landfall of a category 4 hurricane pretty directly within the next hour.

I spent much of the day yesterday charging devices, cooking food, filling basins with water and bringing in my lanai (patio) furniture. We are as ready as we can be. At the time I write we still have power.

Last time, our first hurricane since moving to Florida from Denver, I remember the back and forth leading up. We had no pets at the time which makes it a bit easier to evacuate. Just like everything else in my married life I delegated all decision making to my husband. He studied the weather and came up with recommendations. These varied from moment by moment from evacuating first thing in the morning, then suddenly pulling the trigger to leave at night, driving through the night on back roads and arriving in Panama City for breakfast. The whole time we were there at a nice Holiday Inn resort I was so worried because at the time our livelihood was comprised of 6 rental houses which happened to be situated in the direct projected path of the hurricane. These houses were not only our family’s source of income but our entire college fund and retirement. I would go down to the gym in morning and watch the coverage and feel so nervous and helpless. Not one of those houses was covered by insurance. Our everything could have been decimated. Fortunately that did not happen. But the fact that it was a distinct reality woke me up. The winds of change began to blow in my life, pushing me to question my happiness and potential of life.

This time around I feel empowered taking shelter in my own house, tucked away with two of my kiddos and the pets I’ve acquired for them. I know I have done everything within my power to secure our safety, except possibly installing our shutters which was simply beyond my physical ability and my handyman who lives in the same neighborhood said it would not be safe to install in the rain and his family does not have theirs up either. It makes me happy to watch my girls peacefully playing with their cats and snacking while we wait. My older girl and I had a conversation about how God is in charge of the storm and He made us so what do we have to fear.

In short, this hurricane underscores the greatness of peace and strength I feel since being a woman on my own.

On Birthday Cake 🍰

My son’s birthday is in a few days. We haven’t been on great terms so I want to make it special, show him I love him so much even though he’s mad at me. I wish I was the kind of mom who has a go to birthday cake recipe but I’m too interested in variety and honestly maybe a bit ADDish. So I was thumbing through a stack of magazines and torn out recipes. Most were junk so I threw them away which was great. Then I decided to climb my stool and reach into the top cabinet above the fridge where I keep my Mom’s recipe box.

I took the little wooden, well loved recipe box down and set it on the counter. I was already missing my Mom, who passed five years ago now. I am always keenly aware of her absence at holidays and birthdays because she was such an amazing baker. I never had to bake birthday cakes or any desserts or breads for holidays. She would plan for months what to make and loved it. She was always thumbing through recipe books and magazines and ordering them for me. She loved to watch cooking shows. It was truly her passion.

My Mom used food as currency in exchange for favors. Once when I was in elementary school I got called down to the Principal’s office because my overly loyal and exuberant mother had promised one of my classmates cookies if he would vote for me for student council.

The box was a bit disorganized because that is how my Mom was. There were little alphabet dividers but mostly the recipes were just stuck in wherever. There were even a few business cards and receipts stuck in here and there. Some I suppose were from my childhood but mostly my Mom cooked the same simple good meals regularly without a recipe, pot roast, baked chicken, Orange roughy in butter, goulash (she was third generation Polish and German)….and of course we made the same Christmas cut-outs every year and gingerbread men. She and my kids loved to decorate these together just like I did as a girl.

So I don’t know if she made many of the recipes. But she collected them. Some were in her handwriting, faded now. Lists of ingredients with very minimal notes about what to do with them. Some were from magazines. Some weee from her more organized friends, nearly typed or laminated. Recipes she must have enjoyed at a cocktail party or ladies’ luncheon once upon a time.

My Mom was born at the cusp of the 40’s when the War was ending, so many of the recipes were from that era when canned foods and novelties like marshmallow crème and jello were all the rage. These didn’t appeal to me much. Others were to be made in the newly invented microwave.

Some of the recipes were in my child’s handwriting because I grew to love cooking too and wanted to be like my Mom.

One was written in my Dad’s humorous way, for Pemican.

Some were from the time I became a vegan (at 16), a habit that freaked my family out as we lived in a small town in mid Michigan where the only vegetarian meal in a restaurant was salad and baked potato and we had one health food store. No Whole Foods yet back in the early 90’s.

And I began to miss my Mom so much. And the tears began to course down my face, staining the recipes further. I missed her baking and I missed her love and her presence.

I pulled out a few cake recipes. I don’t know if my son would like them. I still don’t know if I will make one of them. I’m not the baker my Mom was. My attention span is too short. And I am still too scarred by my former husband always berating me for showing off if I created something beautiful in the kitchen. But I liked touching the recipes she once held in her hand, so many written in her hand. I felt her presence.

Miss you Mom. Love you forever. Thank you for watching over us. 💗

Kitty Care 🐈💖🐈‍⬛

Last year we adopted two kittens from the pound. They came named as Armani and Pauly but those names were soon moved to middle names and my girls issued them new first names, S’mores and Ginger. They have been manhandled since they were 14 and 9 weeks respectively so they don’t object to being held, carried or dressed in the occasional clothing item. They even tag along sometimes. They’ve been to church, the counselor and to the coffee shop. They walk outside on leashes. At night they love to cuddle.

But when we first got them….I was ready to return them! We went through so much trying to get them to use their litter box. So I learned a few things that I washed to share here. I didn’t really know how to take care of kitties. The cats I had while growing up were indoor/outdoor. Also, I suppose my Mom was taking care of them and I was not very involved. So, hope this helps when you bring your new kitty home:

We contained our kitties to one area (a bedroom and attached bath) where their food, water and litter was. This helped them and our puppy get used to one another gradually and made sure any messes were contained.

Definitely go for the high sided litter box rather than the lowest end especially if you’ll have more than one kitty. I tried all kinds of options including the self-cleaning litter boxes, before settling on this simple option.

There is some special litter that you can put a little sprinkle of into the regular litter that attracts them.

I tried every kind of litter & box (including self cleaning, which I hated) and settled on the basic litter.

Kitties can have soft poops but they will eventually become normal and scoopable. You need to do this once a morning. Then you only need to fully change out the litter once per week.

The bottom line is your kitty(ies) will take time to adjust. Once they do they will be wonderful friends to your family! Ours provide so much comfort and companionship…and entertainment…you should see their antics! My girls hate to leave home because they love theirs so much so sometimes I have to let the kitties tag along. So, by the way, get a nice carrying case too! Enjoy! Many blessings! 🐈🐈‍⬛

Privacy 🔐

The narcissist will invade your privacy every chance you get. I remember the one I knew would walk right into the bathroom while I had been in there with the door closed. I might be washing my face for bed or dressing or some such thing. Things that you would like to have a little sacred space for.

He would walk right into my home office in the middle of the work day and begin clanging about while I conducted calls. He would claim that its “his house too.”

More egregiously he searched my drawers, questioned me about seemingly innocent items, made them into evidence of unfaithfulness, announcing to my little children that “mommy was a bad person” and was “with another man”.

He read my diary, confronting me about its fantasy contents. I burned it, all of them, kept since I was 7 years old, because I felt so violated.

He searched my phone records and called my clients, a total violation of privacy, mine and theirs, and potential ethical violation.

And on and on.

Maybe you have experienced similar.

There are no boundaries physical or otherwise to them. They rejoice in violating yours as a means of control.

On Learning 📚🎓

Every year for the past 15 or so I have dedicated myself to learning some new topic. One year it was acupressure/reflexology. Another it was homeopathy. The years since I launched my own law firm the learning revolves around that, both substance and the practical/administrative aspect. This year I have dedicated two weeks of travel to attending conferences at Hillsdale College on the topics of Film Noir, The History of Christianity, and also attended one of their virtual courses on the Roman Republic.

I also took a two week course earlier this year to become a certified Family Law Mediator. I attended a Bench and Bar Conference and a Trusts and Estates Certification course.

We should never stop learning. Always be curious.

On Ayn Rand and Abortion: A Critical Review of the Book “Why the Right to Abortion is Sacrosanct”

I recently listened to a fireplace chat by Dennis Prager where he said that he felt the Left fails to acknowledge the moral issues in their abortion stance.

A friend recently gave me a booklet entitled Why the Right to Abortion is Sacrosanct. This is a booklet written by Ben Bayer in an attempt to summarize proudly what he believes to be Rand’s views on the issue. She did not write it but it contains quotes from her writings and lectures.

I read the booklet because I like to be fully apprised.

I grew up in the church and with a mom who was heavily involved the Right to Life movement so this certainly influenced my formative years. I became a conservative thinker early on in my adult years, before voting in my first election.

When I was in my early twenties, out of law school and beginning my career, I was introduced to Ayn Rand. I have a Philosophy Minor but I do not recall reading any of her works in school.

I was enamored with her Fountainhead but more so with Atlas Shrugged, which I recently reread, and love the protagonist Dagny Taggart. Such an example of a strong and independent woman, especially given the time period in which the book was written.

I also read and found very chilling the novel We the Living. I was surprised to find this book referenced as a support in the booklet about Ayn Rand’s purported views on abortion because it is not directly reference nor involve the issue of abortion.

I had never read anything concerning Ayn Rand’s views on the abortion issue but it appears she did make some public remarks and also some writings concerning the issue.

As I read these, her view seemed to be that to place restrictions on abortion would be to hamper a woman’s self actualization. She expresses concern over how a pregnancy might hamper a woman’s physical appearance and tie her down financially, keep her from her potential.

As a mom of five perfect healthy children I know the drain, emotionally, financially, physically, that children can bring about…forget about babies, wait until they become teenagers as mine are, full of their own ideas about their self actualization which will most likely conflict in one way or another with yours! The responsibility of being a parent is so significant that you cannot even grasp it fully ahead of time. A good parent experiences So much pressure to provide, protect, be…it is insurmountable. You never feel enough.

So I cannot bring myself to force women who don’t feel up to the task to go through with it…of course, no one was holding a gun to their heads when baby was created…I have a good friend who likes to state the obvious, “sex makes babies”.

Anyway. Rand apparently said in part: “…up to that [birth] moment, the child is not an independent, living organism. It’s part of the body of the mother. But at birth, a child is an individual, and has the rights inherent in the nature of a human individual.” Ayn Rand, Q&A after “The Wreckage of the Consensus” as quoted in Why the Right to Abortion is Sacrosanct at p. 33.

The editor (Ben Bayer) goes on to elucidate: “In Ayn Rand’s scientific approach to ethics…the essential requirement of human life is the use of reason to solve the problem of survival.”

Bayer also refers to pregnancy as “a woman who is sentenced by the state to nine months of pregnancy l against her will” (Why the Right to Abortion is Sacrosanct at p. 7.) It should be noted Bayer is speaking of pregnancy in general, not cases of rape.

The only attention given to the moral issue of a fetus/embryo presenting the potentiality of human life is in cold statements such as: “Even if a fetus has a heartbeat or can experience pain, this would not prove it has a right to life. ..Animals also have heartbeats, and so do fully brain-dead human beings.” And “Cancerous tenors and human corpses also have human DNA, and nobody thinks they have rights.” (Why the Right to Abortion is Sacrosanct at p. 25.)

Apparently Rand is said to have criticized our great President Reagan on the topic as follows: “That’s what a creature like Reagan [wants] …he comes out…for…his right to dictate to young people what they’re going to do with their life; are they going to have a chance at a career or are they going to be needing animals? I cannot communicated how despicable that is.” (Leonard Peikoff, Q&A session after “The Philosophy of Objectivism,” Lecture 5, as quoted in Why the Right to Abortion is Sacrosanct at p. 39.) The logic of this statement is absurd. First, President Reagan never promoted mandating pregnancy and birth, as her comment would suggest. Second, she ignores the moral issue that a fetus/embryo is at least potential human life so we cannot look to just the “young person’s” life. Third, the statement completely belies the fact that in most situations the pregnancy has occurred as a result of free will, and in the age of womens’ rights and readily available contraception, poor planning and lack of responsibility. Rand should know better than to refer to a resulting pregnancy as having been forced upon these “young people.”

My view is to leave it up to each person’s conscience. To me it should not be a political issue.

But I feel the one point Rand cannot grasp as a non parent (not my friend who lent me the booklet) is that it is not like the pre-born baby is un-sentient and then all of a sudden they are born and voila they are sentient and self determining. Nooooo….I have teenagers and they are still not capable of rational thought on a very frequent basis. So I do not think it is rational or objective to say that because a baby prior to birth has no capability of rational thought he or she has no rights to consider that might conflict with the mother’s issue appropriate. If this is the argument then it would legitimize infanticide, no, child-acide..,and most definitely teen-a-cide.

Whatever argument one could have for doing away with a tiny cute baby I guarantee you can apply more palatably to a sassy teenager bent on going their own way which may diverge significantly from your set of values and plans. I guess Ayn Rand would say that is all the more reason to consider abortion sacrosanct. But the fact is we cannot escape the inevitable messiness of life and having children, in my opinion, is a richer life. No, it is not always in line with our plans. In fact I guarantee that if you wait to be ready for a baby you will never be…especially if your friend tells you about the teenager that baby could become!

I believe in the saying “man plans & God laughs”…

On Tattoos 🎨

I am excited to bring you a blog post by a guest author for the very first time!! I was so interested upon hearing this perspective in a conversation that I immediately asked my friend Frances to write an article explaining it. To me it represents a very middle of the road and sensible approach to this issue. Enjoy!

As long as I can remember I was always infatuated with tattoos. I come from an Irish Catholic family on the South Side of Chicago and my grandparents were both straight off the boat, Conservative Irish Catholics. My Grandmother told me when I was a little girl ( I have no idea how old I was and in fact honestly have no recollection of this) I said very matter of factly “Grandma, I’m going to get a tattoo.” She was so upset she cried in her thick Irish accent: “I’ll tattoo your arse!”

Despite Grandma’s discouragement, I started getting tattoos as soon as I entered middle school. The first one was done by letting a friend give me a “pick and poke” tattoo. All my earliest tattoos were terrible. I was happy with them because it was what I always wanted and I didn’t know how bad they were until I started to see really good ones.

Before 18 I had about 5 tattoos in very visible places. Thankfully I enrolled in cosmetology school at the age of 17 so I was in the safe zone as far as future employers.

I was asked to write a blog on a conversation a friend and I had on my tattoos and how I still appreciate the art but I think it’s so important to have a career lined up before getting them (especially as visible as mine are).

Early in my career I noticed how I was constantly judged by mainly the older clientele. To a certain extent I would lose their respect before I was able to introduce myself to them and shake their hand to show them back to my chair. Many of them would tell me how pretty I am and they don’t understand why I would ruin my body, after all I’d be so much prettier without all those things. I didn’t care what anyone thought of me until I decided being behind the chair working in someone else’s salon wasn’t good enough for me, it wasn’t enough, and I wanted more. I knew in order for the most successful people to respect me upon first impression I’d have to tone it down a bit. How could I do this? By now I’m almost 30 I’m covered, and I even have 2 face tattoos. Fortunately, by this time tattoos had caught up culture wise. Everyone told me and continues to tell me I wear them so well though and they’re so accepted within my industry. It almost makes you appear more creative some would argue. However, from the negative feedback I received from my family and clients early on (before I made a name for myself) I struggled with a lot of self limiting beliefs. I have come to a place in my life now where I’ve built an empire (barbershop of my own and a hell of a reputation). To this day even as me being owner of such a succeshop, I get judgement. But I don’t let it bother me like it used to early on in my career, feeling judged and uncomfortable in my own skin.

While speaking to a girl friend on tattoos and the importance of having a solid career before making such a decision, I was asked to share what we touched on. As we all know, tattoos have gone from being taboo, especially with women, to it being a modern trend and appreciated art (by some). Even with the changes in time and culture, if you don’t have a career you’re sure of, I would not recommend making such a decision. My tattoos have limited me early on in my career (as a barber/hairstylist). I was denied management opportunities. After being hired my boss told me the owner didn’t want to hire me based on my profile picture and the amount of tattoos I had. She pushed for me to get hired on and, to their surprise, I was their top performer in sales in the nation.

Long story short, though I held top 5 in sales consistently in the nation, my employer refused to promote me due to my tattoos. I wasn’t allowed to wear shorts like the other girls ever though we live in Florida and in the very beginning they made me wear long sleeves.

I’ve come a long way. These days my tattoos may turn a head or two and I get an occasional sneer, but as far as my career and advancing in life, I don’t believe they’re an issue due to my reputation today. I’m still in the process of removing my faces tattoos as I have simply outgrown them and I feel it takes away from my natural beauty.

If you’re interested in tattoos I recommend figuring out a solid career and being sure you want that career and that they accept tattoos. Then, by all means go for it. Otherwise you’ll be regretting it and may find yourself limited to options in your career choices.

Editor’s Note: To look her up & take advantage of her barbering skills, check her out here! Thanks for your post, Frances! 💗🙏🏻

https://m.facebook.com/francesscissorhandsbarbershop

a little about a LOT

I love this podcast where one of my favorite commentators, Ben Shapiro, calls out the reliance upon an elite expert class. Shapiro is always so wise and witty.

https://open.spotify.com/episode/0lkPW2R35RUv1EDpCvAZbi?si=93CL-7P2TASClr0E2AciKA

When I left my full time legal career to stay at home with my first baby which turned into five babies over the next 7 years, I began a once a month event in my home that I called a little about a LOT. The purpose of these little social hours coupled with a brief seminar was to draw upon the “experts” from various fields in my life to share a snippet of information with my attendees so that we could learn a little about a lot of different subjects. The subject matters covered estate planning (my area of “expertise” at the time), hiring, vacation planning, financial planning, among others.

Dennis Prager, another favorite commentator, began Prager U to condense topics into 5 minute videos on various topics from history to the economy to male-female relationships.

https://www.prageru.com/

I also love Hillsdale College which provides both its Imprimus newsletter and catalogue of online classes which mirror real college courses and are given by college professors, completely free of charge. https://www.hillsdale.edu/

All of these are examples of how we can become what I think our Founding Fathers were, Renaissance people apprised on a wide variety of topics. They were lawyers, doctors, ministers, farmers, merchants or other businessmen. What they were not was career politicians.

We have become so narrow and specialized in our modern world. Specialization has its place but we do not want to become boring, only being conversation isn’t in one topic or set of ideas. (You can tell these people because they speak in acronyms whether their listener understands or not, so surrounded are they by others from their small field.)

On Being Moved

This might strike you as a weird post but give it a chance….

I grew up under the tutelage of a mother who had come to Jesus during the “Jesus Freak” years of the 70’s. Some hippies were into the druggie scene, others were into the Jesus movement.

My Mom, late now, would tell us the story of how she was in her home one day when I was about 2. She had a plumber come to the house. She was feeling lost, had eve tried to commit suicide before I was born. The plumber proceeded to tell her it was no coincidence he was there and invited her to church. From then on my Mom was a devout fundamentalist, all-in Christian. We attended very charismatic churches through my youth, where the parishioners would speak in tongues and people would be “slain in the Spirit.” If you have watched the tv evangelists, that is the part where people fall down onto the floor.

All of this left me with a cringy feeling that led me to a more conservative version of Christianity in my adulthood.

But what I want to convey here is that I do believe there is a place and time when the Spirit of God can be tangible. Not every Sunday in my experience, rather few and far between.

However, when I stood in a humble little church in the middle of Kenya worshipping with that loving congregation, singing out to Jesus, tears began to roll uncontrollably down this very together and non-crier girl’s face. I was moved.

Today when I listened to a sermon on the prophecy that George Washington was said to have received from an Angel, I was moved to tears.

I am no authority but I feel there are moments when we can experience the close presence of the Spirit of God. You can feel it as it moves you even if you are not a very emotionally tuned person. You don’t have to drum it up. It comes upon you.

You don’t have to look for these moments but I think we should be open to them and not resist if they do come to us.

Spirit of God, fall fresh on us.