I have been a mostly vegetarian for the past 34 years of my now 50 years. I do occasionally consume fish or seafood. I do eat dairy and eggs (though in the beginning I didn’t).
I had a friend who gave me a lot of frozen Costco meat for my five kids because he stopped eating red meat. I cooked some of the steaks, some on a skillet, some on the grill, painstakingly following various recipes I researched. My kids were mostly impressed though I cooked one a bit too long. I am paranoid about undercooking meat, including fish. My 80 year old dad was visiting at one point and he is very practical. He said he never worries about steak being undercooked in the middle but ground beef can be a different story. Can it ever…
Tonight I cooked ground beef for the first time. I thought it was steak when I took it out of the freezer in the morning. Everything looks the same wrapped and frozen. But it was taco Tuesday so this was good timing. I had never cooked ground beef. I looked up a recipe for taco meat. I placed he thawed meat into a pan, heated it and it began to ooze blood and the day began to congeal. I was quite disgusted. I covered the pan and let it cook some more on a lower heat. Meanwhile I prepared our standby “veggie crumbles” that has been our taco go to since my kids were babes. I added seasoning to both (the veggie ones come a bit pre seasoned). And stirred. Breaking up the meat felt like I was chopping fingers. It was kind of hard in texture. This grossed me out further.
Suffice to say, some of my boys tried it but it reinforces my vegetarian nature. I honestly don’t know how anyone can eat that. Most of my kids gravitated toward the veggie variety. Let’s just say there was a lot of meat to throw out at the end of the taco Tuesday event. Next time I’ll be buying a double portion of “veggie crumble.”
I have a friend considering divorce. When she shared about her experience it takes me back to that tortuous period of the end of my marriage. The lead in the belly feeling of walking into the marital home, the feeling that dissonance could break out from its latent state into a full fledged conflict at any moment, the bending to fit, the sacrifice, the losing of self. And always at the very top of the list how to protect my children and see them least hurt. It is a fact. Divorce hurts kids. But maybe ongoing, high conflict at home also hurts kids. How could it not? Not learning to share feelings in an appropriate way, not seeing conflict resolved in a healthy way…these things definitely hurt kids.
Once I decided it would be better for my kids if their father and I parented them from separate homes, my life begin a very different course. Today I want to speak to how I felt in that moment. I was so ready to be free that I seriously considered the fact that I might be destitute, might end up in a women’s shelter with my kids, might have to go on welfare. I was ready to leave nonetheless. None of these things happened. In fact, looking back, I realize now how odd those considerations were given the fact that I am a lawyer (though I was living in a state where I was not yet licensed) and have resources such as a father and church, etc. I think that those thoughts were born out of that environment where I had come to feel I did not have much power over my life or hope for a future. What a lie. The Bible tells us: “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
But I am glad I considered these drastic possibilities because it made me realize how ready I was to leave and be on my own.
I had never lived on my own before outside of my law school dorm room. I went from my parents’ care to my husband’s. Yes, I had a job. I worked as a lawyer for 6 years before staying home with my first baby and my other children over the next 10 years. But I had never felt the sole responsibility of caring for myself let alone a family, qualifying for and paying a mortgage, maintaining home and vehicle, keeping everything running and afloat in addition to what I was well accustomed to, getting my children where they needed to go and caring for their daily needs.
It has been a journey, taking a Bar exam 20 years after my first Bar exam, starting my own law firm business, purchasing my own home, showing my kids an example of living at potential, expecting success, making what we need to live by serving others.
Now I still have a ways to go in terms of the financial aspect of life. My vision of am abundant universe which is so different from the views with which I grew up and lived under in it marriage drive my accountant and bookkeeper crazy.
But I have to say the thrill of being the person my kids come to for their needs and wants not just emotionally or guidance wise but materially (and their are many given they are now teenagers!) is something I would never have experienced. It is such an honor and privilege, and I might add ego boost, to be the provider for a family. It keeps you on your game, drives you forward with great purpose.
Looking back, life today is very different. And I hope when my kids look back they understand.
I really appreciate the point highlighted in the book The Real Anthony Fauci by Robert F. Kennedy., Jr.: The founding fathers were well aware of the ravaging effect epidemics of disease can cause, familiar with smallpox and malaria slaying their troops. Yet…they refused to include in our Constitution an exception allowing for the suspension of constitutional protections in situations of pandemic.
The beach is the great equalizer. It is the end of the school year here in Florida and all the kids are gathering there. I think they…we all…are so happy to be back to it after the recent hurricane.
For the kids, for everyone, it is somewhere beautiful and luxurious to go that is basically completely free. This makes it accessible and diverse. It is wonderful because you can go for the day or just a little break. I prefer the latter because it prevents boredom and sun damage. For me as soon as my feet touch the sand and I see the beautiful waves, no matter how stressed I’ve been, I feel relaxation wash over me. Fortunately I live close enough that it is easy to drop in early in the morning when the birds are having their breakfast and the sea is still calm. Or sunset which is always different and always lovely. This is what I plan to do now that summer is starting. I hope you will get to enjoy too!
Graduation is always a festive time, but for me, this day when my first of five kiddos will graduate from high school, it feels like Christmas morning!
The moment is all that much sweeter because there were many times over the past year that I wasn’t sure if it would happen.
My son and I had been estranged for the better part of several years. After he chose to live with his dad and his dad’s girlfriend I saw very little of him despite my efforts and invitations. It was heartbreaking.
He even ran away twice. He was like the prodigal, running for no good reason.
Through the help of prayer, the intervention of a very skilled therapist and perseverance, we were reunited a few months ago when he asked to come back. I thought of him as my prodigal son. And that thought materialized more so as he moved back in with me. That was when I observed that he was using drugs. This led to at times missed school and anger expressed at me and other family members. For much of the past few months it was really touch and go.
When caps and gowns went up for sale months ago I purchased one though he said he did not plan to walk, just in case. I talked regularly about the graduation ceremony, telling him how proud of him I was.
The month leading up to graduation included many emails from teachers and the guidance counselor about missing assignments and prerequisites needed to graduate. My son was rather hostile toward me much of the time and I was sure I could not make him do any of these things but he completed them and when we received final approval that he had graduated (with an A on his government final!) the relief was palpable.
It’s hard when you hear and see other families presenting their graduate and family as problem free. Social media is of course not a complete lens into anyone’s world! And it wouldn’t be appropriate to air all our dirty laundry. There are appropriate forums.
He had been accepted with a partial scholarship into university some time ago but refused to add me to the contact list or share anything going on with me so I had little way to partner with him towards this next big step. Yesterday my heart sang when he reached out to ask me with part of the registration.
This week has been full of graduation excitement with rehearsals and our daughter’s elementary moving up ceremony. My son has been delightful, smiling and participating more in family life. I even overheard him respond to a friend who was critical about the graduation ceremony that after all this it would be ridiculous not to walk (interspersed with lots of Dude! of course)!
So this morning I got up early, affixed his tassel to his cap and decorated the yard & dining room with graduate decorations. My heart thrills.
I know there will be ups and downs to come but for now I’m going to enjoy this hard earned moment of elation, relief and pride.
I have been bothered by my wrinkly forehead in almost every sort of close up photo.
So I decided to try Botox. I have two groups of friends, the natural ones who have never and probably never will, and the younger than me ones who are obsessed with it. So…I decided to give it a whirl.
I chose a shop that is doctor owned and that my hairstylists really favor, being also personal friends with the owner who I know through them.
I made my appointment and reported at the scheduled time.
It was not the doctor who saw me but a PA. We met in an office and she gave me some choices and I chose the simplest, wanting to start small.
We moved to a treatment room and she left to mix up the magic potion. When she returned she iced my forehead. No pain killers.
Then she took a needle, explained where she would be making the injections and pinching my skin injected several times across my forehead and in between my eyebrows, the agreed upon places. I have to admit. I was x nervous and it hurt.
The injection spots were slightly red but nothing noticeable. Almost immediately I felt I did not have to choose between lifting my brows to avoid my scowl and not doing to avoid forehead lines.
I did meet a friend on my daughter’s field trip who is an injection rep and trainer and she did not favor the place I went, suggesting at the price I paid it was not real Botox, and telling me that technically I should not be able to frown at all, so maybe I will go elsewhere to see if that can be corrected.
Also it does change the landscape of your face… .now when I lift my browsthey go up in an arch.
But overall I feel SO much better, less distracted by my lines, so much freer to show expression.
The 4 “B’s” for runner sustenance are well known: bananas, bagels, beans & broccoli.
Tonight I coupled the past two with pasta to create a delicious dish that is perfect for runners in training.
Ingredients:
Pasta cannelloni beans broccoli red pepper flakes cream vegetable broth salt pepper Parmesan cheese olive oil garlic
Cook the pasta in salted water. Drain. In the saucepan add olive oil and sauté garlic and red pepper flakes. Add broccoli florets. Add a bit of broth. Sauté until crisp tender. Add beans and stir gently. Stir in a tiny bit of cream. Toss with Parmesan cheese and pepper.
The South wanted slaves to count as full persons for voting purposes. The North wanted them to count as 3/5. Is this because the North thought less of blacks than the South? No. It is because the North was so against slavery they wanted the practice to end. Counting slaves as full persons would have empowered the South, further entrenching the establishment of slavery. Look it up.
Lesson: things are not always as they seem on their face. I urge you to think deeply and always consider the money trail. Don’t accept or tout simplistic answers.
Blessed is the one who finds wisdom, and the one who gets understanding, for the gain from her is better than gain from silver and her profit better than gold. She is more precious than jewels, and nothing you desire can compare with her. Proverbs 3:13-15 (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version).
Ok so I was talked …bullied…into purchasing a timeshare shortly after becoming single, while still in that euphoric tipsy turvy stage of just being excited to do things for the shear thrill of being able to do it yourself. And I know there is a stigma but I want to share how positive it has been in my family’s life. First, the background…
You know how it goes. You show up for the too good to be true 3 nights, 4 days resort vacation, commit to the one hour (projected, not actual!) talk, tour, brainwashing, hypnotism, heavy handed sales really…determined to resist…and boom….the sales guy (only person who still wears a suit these days and on a Saturday!) somehow gets out his numbers & calculations & guilt complex driving techniques, preying upon your not so stellar budgeting skills & before you know it you are the proud owner of a time share!
Now granted mine is not the traditional fixed deal where you have to spend the same week at the same location forever or plan your vacations on a five year basis…thank God!
It is a point based system with many in network resorts to choose from. So far my family has only visited the same one, about three hours away, in the heart of Disney.
Since then I have observed there are many organizations specializing in helping owners divest their time shares. At first I thought this was the secondary time share market. But, no, these companies actually want you to just surrender your time share, including any money you paid up front. Many, many scammers preying on the unwary.
Every time you go to your resort you will get pressured to buy more. I succumbed once. But no more. Now it is a game to me. I show up, set my timer for one hour, get what I want out of the salesperson (usually planning my next big vacation) and persist in politely declining all their can’t pass this up offers. But maybe many are not so stalwart and eventually end up over their heads. I cannot imagine someone who has paid thousands of dollars not being able to keep up with a few hundred in resort fees per year but maybe those people are out there.
The fact is, despite all the bad rap about time shares, I am so grateful I did this for my family.
It has carved out vacation time in our busy lives, time to be together away from our typical busy lives running here and there. Yes, the teens are still on their phones as much there as at home 😅but it is still good to get away from our usual and have a change of scenery.
I can’t say we do much. Some of our best memories I think have been just hanging out at the pool, or binging on Harry Potter movies or eating “gator bites,” probably just fish or chicken in disguise, but I’m rather cynical.
Sure on occasion we’ve visited one of the nearby parks but mostly we just chill inside the gated complex which has all we need.
As I said we’ve only ever been to our “local” resort but this coming summer we’ll be branching out, meeting my dad “halfway” between our southern location and his northern, exploring a new resort.
Our time share, bought not as part of a plan but on impulse, has enabled me as a single mom to give my family what many of my friends has growing up, a “cottage” where I come from, where families would go every weekend in summer and sometimes out of session. We can’t go every weekend but we go a few times a year. And as the kids get older it’s harder to find times we are all available to get away from work, school and other activities that hold us closer to home.
I’m revisiting this article I wrote a year ago while on spring break with 4 of my 5 kids because I am just so happy. I look back at some of the photos and realize how much they’ve grown over the last 3 1/2 years since I purchased my interest. They are almost all teenagers and the youngest at 11 believes she is. They don’t like to do much other than he on their phones but they still drop everything to come to Orange Lake with me. And I treasure it. 🤗💗
I grew up in northern Michigan and while my family did not own a cottage I spent summer weekends with my friends at theirs. It was my way of life. Owning this time share has allowed me to provide my kids with a similar experience, the familiarity and tradition of revisiting the same place year after year, growing up making new memories in the same place.
My teenage son has found a group of friends on the basketball court where he spends the evenings. (Over the summer he met his first “girlfriend” 😊.) My girls make friends too in the pools. I work some because according to them I’m a workaholic. 😅They play. I love my work and being able to do it while they play. We are together.
To me it is easy, to bring them on a 3 hour drive, to tell them to order what they want on the room charge. It is nothing finance wise. It is Everything to them, the memories they will have. This constancy in their life that maybe can make up a tiny bit for the chaos of divorce and shuffling between two very different households..🙏
I cherish the memories we’ve made and will continue to make at our special place.
Notes From Real Life 