I feel so encouraged when I hear women appreciate my blog or related posts elsewhere. I have received so many demands from the narcissist in my life to shut down my blog and at times he has ganged up with the system to hamstring me into limiting what I want to share to help other woman. But when I hear women being helped I know I am right not to limit my voice.
The truth is I lived under that oppressiveness that clouded my light, refused to let me shine lest I shine brighter, kept me small and hushed my voice for too many years. If we were out and I let myself freely dance because I was happy I would be severely scolded once back home. If I joined coworkers in celebrating someone’s many years of practice, toasting with champagne, I would be shamed in the morning in front of my children. If I wore something pretty because I felt fit after working hard exercising after my last baby I was accused of just wanting attention. If I tried to make friendships in a new land my attempts were met with suspicion. If I wanted to extend a hand of generosity on a street corner I was cornered and shoved against a building and accused of horrible acts.
No more. I will shine my light. I will live out my potential. I will share what might benefit one or many. I will live my life freely as God made me to. God gave me this life and if anyone wants to push me down again he’s gonna have to go through my Creator first.
The cinnamon & biscuit roll refrigerated packages that you need to poke with a spoon to open…
Extremely heavy baby carrier car seats …just what moms need after delivering that baby …we’ve invented lighter weight metals for planes & rockets…how about a nod to moms?
The snap on coffee lid…nothing starts the day like hoping you got that on securely as you are risking boiling liquid pouring over you if you didn’t…
Eye & lip liner pencils that work great until they require sharpening and basically have to be thrown away after unless you want to rip open your lid or lip with that rough piece that never goes away no matter how much you sharpen…
I am a planner professionally but …or maybe because of that…I don’t always plan too far ahead when my family travels. We like adventure and sometimes I plan things spur of the moment. I might make the main plans ahead of time, such as plane or lodging reservations, but then schedule other activities in more last minute.
On a recent, mostly work related, trip to Colorado I brought my two youngest along with me. I registered them for the local County day camp during for the week so they’d be occupied while I worked.
We arrived the weekend before for a class I needed to take. I hired a friend’s daughter who is a college student home on break to entertain them during the day and they had an awesome time exploring the local museums and ice cream shop.
Then we headed up to the mountains. We were supposed to stay with friends but those plans fell through last minute so I quickly found a “mud season”‘reasonable alternative. We headed up, popped into the local Whole Foods for provisions and then to our accommodations. We were in Breckenridge, a wonderful historic town only about an hour and a half from Denver (even on a Friday evening…but of course it was off season, mid June). They were a bit outdated but serviceable and convenient to local attractions.
The girls had made some noise about horseback riding and also seemed excited about rafting when they saw some people doing just that on the river on the way up.
One of my daughters who had accompanied me to Colorado for skiing earlier in the year was adamant about skiing but I had to convince her while there would still be Some snow there would not be enough for skiing.
In the morning (I get up early ….if you have five kids and run your own business and ever want time to yourself you will too) I looked up a horseback riding option – Breck Stables stood out – and I went with it. Reserved our 1 1/2 hour trail ride. It was a bit expensive but totally worth it! We each got our own horses and had a great ride. Some parts were a bit hairy – perched on our horses’ backs up on a ridge with a significant drop off to either side.
After our lovely ride we had to stop to play in the snow (explanation: we used to live in Colorado but now reside in Florida). Then we stopped in town to play in the creek and then had lunch and beer (for me) at Ollie’s which is in the middle in the river.
Then home for a nice nap. As soon as I wake my daughter says “finally you are awake can we hike?!” So we headed back to the mountain and hiked along one of the ski slope paths. We saw a lot of dogs which made my girls super happy.
We headed home to clean up and then we jumped on the local free bus which, instead of taking us into town as we’d hoped, gave us a tour of where the locals live. We finally got off and walked up Main St., then hopped on another bus for home.
The next morning I was up super early again and decided why not YOLO we are going rafting! So I made a reservation with Rocky Mountain Whitewater Rafting in Idaho Springs. Less expensive than horseback riding, and equally as thrilling. Also well worth the money!
So if you are looking for family adventure check out theses two providers.
It’s summer and you need to stock up on popsicles!
Here is my popsicle mom hack.
For whatever reason my kids have always preferred the popsicle version of a smoothie so when I have extra smoothie in the blender I pour the rest into any of my various popsicle molds (some pictured, others push up variety) & stick in the freezer.
Healthy so Mom is happy. Tasty so kids are too!
Stay tuned for smoothie recipes that you can use for popsicles!
I grew up in a household with a mother who had left the Catholic faith after attending Catholic all her years. She was attracted by the Jesus movement of the 1970’s, trending toward a more fundamentalist, charismatic, experiential based expression of the Christian faith. I was taught that we should avoid rote prayers and make up our own, initiating a conversation with God in an effort to develop a personal relationship with Christ.
These thoughts formed my religious foundation but as I grew into an adult I sought to explore more traditional avenues of my faith. Eventually I became confirmed as a Catholic. I now embrace it as well as many of the practices with which I grew up. The Catholic faith practice includes many established prayers. One of these is the Hail Mary, a short but sweet prayer to…or as I see it…through…the Mother of Jesus, basically beseeching her to intercede for us. The rosary is a repetition of this prayer interspersed with others including the well known Our Father that create a meditative effect which can be very soothing.
I have found this prayer a great comfort, especially at times when the weight of life and it’s sorrows is so great that it stymies our ability to express our own needs for help, guidance, and comfort. One such time was while my mother lay dying in Hospice. Another recent time I drew upon the comfort of this prayer was when my teenage son was having a particularly challenging day. I repeated this prayer to give me strength and calm as I drove us to an appointment.
Life has many challenging moments and I like to have a full toolkit to address them. This is one of my many that I have found useful at the most trying moments. I hope you will too.
Find it here: vaticannews.va.🙏🏻📿✝️
I also recently started listening to two podcasts on Spotify. One is a commuter rosary and one is led by Bishop Barron. I’ve incorporated both into my daily routine. Find them here.
Parenting is not for the faint of heart. Having a house full of teenagers is Really not for the faint of heart. It can drive you to the brink of madness. One minute they are pushing you away. The next they are needy and demanding of your time and presence. You never see them when you’re all at home but as soon as you dare to leave the house for a moment they are texting or calling demanding to know where you are & what time you’ll be back.
And sometimes things get extreme. My middle school son began to withdraw from the family and refuse to eat anything I made for meals (though he’d snack like a boss). A very able kid, his academic performance began to decline. I tried many things but was really at a loss.
One evening things came to a head in a power struggle, a battle of our wills. (Unfortunately you can no longer scoop the teenager up & place them into their car seat. That is the main difference between the toddler and teenager tantrum. Size. That’s it. In most other respects they are the same.) I hadn’t planned it and obviously it is not recommended by parenting books or sites, but by the end of the engagement the phone has ended up in the lake behind my house (or somewhere thereabouts in the swampy grass …I’ve never claimed to have a great throwing arm). Was this the best course of action? It certainly brought on a slew of more anger from son. And was obviously not the best economic decision.
But boy am I glad I did it. It took a few days, and we sought out some professional counseling, but now suddenly he is laughing and joking with his brothers and sisters, doing his schoolwork, playing outside and eating again! I think he needed to hear the counselors affirm that mom is in charge and that if mom feels she needs to take the phone she will.
So…not recommending necessarily as a first course of action but sometimes extreme situations call for extend solutions. Things could not have gone on as they were. Something needed to break the log jam. But, honestly, if I had known the outcome would be so positive I would have done it a long time ago. Phones cause such a battle. But I think we had to get to this point. Bottom line: to me, the cost of a lost phone is worth it to save my son’s heart, family relationships and sense of self. And I think he knows I mean it, that I really do what I say and that I really care about him. Extremely.
Today in my Family Law Mediator Training we heard from a Domestic Violence specialist. As she discussed psychological and financial abuse I recalled my former life. She talked about how in some relationships one spouse is granted an “allowance,” has no access to the bank accounts, handles none of the financial matters. I had a similar relationship where, though an attorney, I was told I wouldn’t know how (and this sticks with you…you start to believe it and it takes some undoing). He was an accountant so I figured it made sense for him to handle everything. I was busy taking care of my five babies.
The only times I balked were towards the end of the relationship when he tried to give me a credit card with his name alone, when he signed my name on our taxes, and when he would give me a different credit card each week. . . I know, right?
I never handled any banking, credit applications, or taxes. I wrote very few checks. Looking through an old check book recently I saw that in the last year of my marriage my husband had even written the check to reimburse my girlfriend for a girls’ weekend expense. Unbelievable. This person is unknowable to me today, four years post marriage.
A lot can happen when only one person is in control of the finances. You get a limited budget for groceries and hair cuts and time with friends. Things go missing like the proceeds from house sales.
On my own now I handle all my own finances. There was a learning curve certainly but even when I make mistakes it is freeing and I feel so much stronger.
I suppose I am a little jaded over to one side but I will never let anyone control …or really even access my finances again. I have learned a hard lesson and that makes it all the more valuable.
I don’t like to think of myself as a victim. I liked the term the teacher used today, survivor. It is much more positive. I like to learn from my mistakes, move forward & use what I’ve learned to try to help others.
So….if you find yourself washing your hair with baking soda to save money, always being told to stick to a budget created by someone else, skimping on yourself and your kids while your significant other is not held to the same restrictions, maybe all while believing you are saving up for retirement someday…if you have thought about divorcing but didn’t have any money of your own to pay an attorney a retainer, maybe have a deeper look…
Yesterday I was listening to a radio talk show host while I was driving and his guests were lamenting women who work and how much better it is when women were home with their kids. They were claiming it is a lie that women can have and do it all.
Well, maybe…but ✨
What I think is a lie is the happily ever after, the idea that two people can marry and will stay married for their whole lives. 👰♀️💍🤵♂️
💔
I was married for 20 years, a stay at home for 10 of them. For the past 5 years I have been a working mom but have made a point to build my business in such a way as to make room and time for my children. Fortunately my professional credentials make it possible for me to operate my own law firm and I have found that my clients are actually attracted to a lawyer who is also family centered. They love the human aspect. 👩💼
What makes it possible for me to “do it all”? Well I will tell you my little secret…what has helped a great deal is having a personal assistant.
Before I hired my PA things were starting to get a bit out of control between getting my kids off to school and wanting to start my short work day (limited by the school day) as an attorney working out of my house but would be faced with a kitchen sink and countertop full of dishes and other debris left from my kids making their lunches & breakfast before heading off for the day. 😩
Fast forward to finding my Girl Friday (took me a couple of tries)! ✨
She picks up my slack, anticipates my needs. No job is too small or big for her. She picks my kids up, does my laundry, makes sure I have a clean kitchen, handless the endless Amazon return runs.
So I can focus on my area of skill.
She helps make it possible for me to be involved in my kids’ school lives as a Girl Scout troop co-leader and PTO Vice President.
It’s actually kind of like being married but without the drama part.
Not that I am trying to do everything but so grateful for the partnership that allows me to be involved in my kids’ lives while supporting them financially as a single mom and also staying sane.
I have been listening to the gospels this Holy Week. In there are descriptions of John the Baptist who in the Christian Faith Tradition is understood to have prepared the way for the Messiah, Jesus Christ, his cousin in fact. John’s work of preparing the way ended with his head being served up on a platter following a big party.
This tells me that we cannot expect to always have our work rewarded, at least in this life. No matter how we apply ourselves to the work of caring for and providing for our families, no matter how well we serve our clients and customers, no matter how involved we are in benefiting our communities….our work may not be recognized or appreciated (especially if you have teenagers!), or more discouragingly may be despised and envied by others who will seek to stop us in our tracks, maybe even have our head. But this should not stop us from doing good, fighting the good fight, spreading the Good News, and sharing God’s love. Keep up the good work this day!
Notes From Real Life 