Notes From Real Life

Our Kids

Today I was thinking on the issue of so many kids having issues in school, with ADHD, autism, sensory issues, allergies, and every condition in between. In essence, having a student with issues in the school system has basically become the norm.

At first I hypothesized in my conspiratorially minded way that the parents, and teachers or administrators to an extent, may be incentivized to seek a diagnoses. In general it can be tempting to seek a medical diagnosis because it feels good to have a reason for behavioral issues. It provides us a sense of comfort to rely on the medical establishment (doctor knows best) to support us in the unknown frontier of parenting.

Then I watched a Tucker Carlson interview of a brother and sister duo with very prestigious medical credentials who have produced a book (which I cannot find for sale anywhere because I assume it has been buried by the establishment). In the interview they discuss how there is huge incentive in society to produce a culture of chronic illness (physical and mental) that can then be treated throughout a patient’s lifetime by the myriad of pharmaceuticals on the market (watched tv with ads lately?). There is literally a drug cure for Any condition from, including all the side effects caused by other pharmaceuticals.

Maybe I sound conspiratorial but take a look around. Americans are fatter, sicker and more suicidal than ever.

My Secrets

People always ask how I can look so good after having 5 kids. Mostly I owe this to good genes. My Mom gave me beautiful skin. From my Dad I inherited a zest for life and positive, adventurous outlook, longevity genes and sun hardy skin. But aside from that here are my daily tips.

A little …okay…8 “cups” (according to the coffee maker of organic coffee (with cinnamon and ginger and ashwaganda and moringa powder stirred in)

A whole lot of Jesus

Walk in the sun every day.

Visit the beach once a week if you’re near it.

Put your bare feet on the earth every day.

Yoga

Healthy plant based diet since I was 16.

Berkey filtered water

Homemade skin tonic and oil

Coconut oil for skin and teeth every morning after a cup of water with a half lemon squeezed in

A glass of water with 2 T apple cider vinegar (raw) every day

Surrounding myself with young energy

Regular massage and a natural chiropractor who espoused everything here

Coffee enemas…yup…(organic and cooled please)

I am not religious about these habits when I travel or have other things going on but they are my normal routine at home.

Viewing stress positively as a fire to move things forward and liv at full potential

Learning to humbly acknowledge mistakes and failings and move forward

Being open to exploration including travel to experience a different perspective

And that’s my story. 🤗✨😘

And I added two more recently…dry brushing and tongue scraping. Minutes per day. From the Ayurvedic tradition. We’ll see….

Hope you can incorporate and find useful as well! 🙏🙏🙏✨✨✨

Timeshare Part II 🏖️🗺️🏨

I wrote some time ago about what our timeshare (vacation points at Holiday Inn) has meant to my family. Would I do it again? Probably not. But my family loves it so I’m still happy I did. Maybe that doesn’t make sense to anyone but me.

We are up here again this weekend for a quick two nights. The fact that my two highs schoolers chose to come here with their family rather than stay home and attend homecoming (I didn’t know the dates would overlap when I reserved before school began)!

But I thought I’d give you a glimpse into the dreaded “owners updates” meetings I attend each time we’re here. They are supposed to be only one hour but always go over. It is an hour and a half of pressure to buy more points, the attempt to convince you you have not yet obtained vacation Shangri la and will only do so if you spend thousands of dollars more to achieve a higher status that alone will open the door to more luxurious accommodations around the world. It is a true battle of the wills.

Why attend? For the “free” fun passes and resort credit of course! a savings of about $400. See? You’d probably do it too.

Attached is a picture of where we all wait for our meeting. Questions about where my husband is always have to be endured even though they can clearly see I am the sole owner.

Also attached is a picture of the secret notes from the meeting which they never let you take with you. These are scribbled every time as they ask about your travel goals and make a big deal about how you can achieve them all for $219 per week if you just follow this very clear plan. Which never makes any sense unless you are a retired person with nothing else going on in your life other than plan and take vacations.

Anyway I made it out without spending a dime but it took some boldness to stand up to my agent who told me I was being rude when I let her know politely when the hour came to an end. And then the kids and I all had a nice relaxing day at the pool enjoying perfect weather and mini golf, lazy river and our resort credit at dinner! 👍✅

On Meat

I have been a mostly vegetarian for the past 34 years of my now 50 years. I do occasionally consume fish or seafood. I do eat dairy and eggs (though in the beginning I didn’t).

I had a friend who gave me a lot of frozen Costco meat for my five kids because he stopped eating red meat. I cooked some of the steaks, some on a skillet, some on the grill, painstakingly following various recipes I researched. My kids were mostly impressed though I cooked one a bit too long. I am paranoid about undercooking meat, including fish. My 80 year old dad was visiting at one point and he is very practical. He said he never worries about steak being undercooked in the middle but ground beef can be a different story. Can it ever…

Tonight I cooked ground beef for the first time. I thought it was steak when I took it out of the freezer in the morning. Everything looks the same wrapped and frozen. But it was taco Tuesday so this was good timing. I had never cooked ground beef. I looked up a recipe for taco meat. I placed he thawed meat into a pan, heated it and it began to ooze blood and the day began to congeal. I was quite disgusted. I covered the pan and let it cook some more on a lower heat. Meanwhile I prepared our standby “veggie crumbles” that has been our taco go to since my kids were babes. I added seasoning to both (the veggie ones come a bit pre seasoned). And stirred. Breaking up the meat felt like I was chopping fingers. It was kind of hard in texture. This grossed me out further.

Suffice to say, some of my boys tried it but it reinforces my vegetarian nature. I honestly don’t know how anyone can eat that. Most of my kids gravitated toward the veggie variety. Let’s just say there was a lot of meat to throw out at the end of the taco Tuesday event. Next time I’ll be buying a double portion of “veggie crumble.”

On Energy ☀️💨⛽️

I have three comments on the current hyperactivity on moving toward different energy sources.

1. We should wait until we have actual reasonable workable alternatives.

2. We need to remember that all energy has a source…electricity to power electric cars still must be sourced from other energy.

3. It is immoral to require people to require other people to curtail their lifestyle in order to rectify an amorphous issue.

Encouragement for Those Considering Divorce 🙏✨

I have a friend considering divorce. When she shared about her experience it takes me back to that tortuous period of the end of my marriage. The lead in the belly feeling of walking into the marital home, the feeling that dissonance could break out from its latent state into a full fledged conflict at any moment, the bending to fit, the sacrifice, the losing of self. And always at the very top of the list how to protect my children and see them least hurt. It is a fact. Divorce hurts kids. But maybe ongoing, high conflict at home also hurts kids. How could it not? Not learning to share feelings in an appropriate way, not seeing conflict resolved in a healthy way…these things definitely hurt kids.

Once I decided it would be better for my kids if their father and I parented them from separate homes, my life begin a very different course. Today I want to speak to how I felt in that moment. I was so ready to be free that I seriously considered the fact that I might be destitute, might end up in a women’s shelter with my kids, might have to go on welfare. I was ready to leave nonetheless. None of these things happened. In fact, looking back, I realize now how odd those considerations were given the fact that I am a lawyer (though I was living in a state where I was not yet licensed) and have resources such as a father and church, etc. I think that those thoughts were born out of that environment where I had come to feel I did not have much power over my life or hope for a future. What a lie. The Bible tells us: “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

But I am glad I considered these drastic possibilities because it made me realize how ready I was to leave and be on my own.

I had never lived on my own before outside of my law school dorm room. I went from my parents’ care to my husband’s. Yes, I had a job. I worked as a lawyer for 6 years before staying home with my first baby and my other children over the next 10 years. But I had never felt the sole responsibility of caring for myself let alone a family, qualifying for and paying a mortgage, maintaining home and vehicle, keeping everything running and afloat in addition to what I was well accustomed to, getting my children where they needed to go and caring for their daily needs.

It has been a journey, taking a Bar exam 20 years after my first Bar exam, starting my own law firm business, purchasing my own home, showing my kids an example of living at potential, expecting success, making what we need to live by serving others.

Now I still have a ways to go in terms of the financial aspect of life. My vision of am abundant universe which is so different from the views with which I grew up and lived under in it marriage drive my accountant and bookkeeper crazy.

But I have to say the thrill of being the person my kids come to for their needs and wants not just emotionally or guidance wise but materially (and their are many given they are now teenagers!) is something I would never have experienced. It is such an honor and privilege, and I might add ego boost, to be the provider for a family. It keeps you on your game, drives you forward with great purpose.

Looking back, life today is very different. And I hope when my kids look back they understand.

On Germs and the Constitution

I really appreciate the point highlighted in the book The Real Anthony Fauci by Robert F. Kennedy., Jr.: The founding fathers were well aware of the ravaging effect epidemics of disease can cause, familiar with smallpox and malaria slaying their troops. Yet…they refused to include in our Constitution an exception allowing for the suspension of constitutional protections in situations of pandemic.

Ode to The Beach 🏖️

The beach is the great equalizer. It is the end of the school year here in Florida and all the kids are gathering there. I think they…we all…are so happy to be back to it after the recent hurricane.

For the kids, for everyone, it is somewhere beautiful and luxurious to go that is basically completely free. This makes it accessible and diverse. It is wonderful because you can go for the day or just a little break. I prefer the latter because it prevents boredom and sun damage. For me as soon as my feet touch the sand and I see the beautiful waves, no matter how stressed I’ve been, I feel relaxation wash over me. Fortunately I live close enough that it is easy to drop in early in the morning when the birds are having their breakfast and the sea is still calm. Or sunset which is always different and always lovely. This is what I plan to do now that summer is starting. I hope you will get to enjoy too!

GRADUATION!🎉🎓

One Down…4 to Go!

Graduation is always a festive time, but for me, this day when my first of five kiddos will graduate from high school, it feels like Christmas morning!

The moment is all that much sweeter because there were many times over the past year that I wasn’t sure if it would happen.

My son and I had been estranged for the better part of several years. After he chose to live with his dad and his dad’s girlfriend I saw very little of him despite my efforts and invitations. It was heartbreaking.

He even ran away twice. He was like the prodigal, running for no good reason.

Through the help of prayer, the intervention of a very skilled therapist and perseverance, we were reunited a few months ago when he asked to come back. I thought of him as my prodigal son. And that thought materialized more so as he moved back in with me. That was when I observed that he was using drugs. This led to at times missed school and anger expressed at me and other family members. For much of the past few months it was really touch and go.

When caps and gowns went up for sale months ago I purchased one though he said he did not plan to walk, just in case. I talked regularly about the graduation ceremony, telling him how proud of him I was.

The month leading up to graduation included many emails from teachers and the guidance counselor about missing assignments and prerequisites needed to graduate. My son was rather hostile toward me much of the time and I was sure I could not make him do any of these things but he completed them and when we received final approval that he had graduated (with an A on his government final!) the relief was palpable.

It’s hard when you hear and see other families presenting their graduate and family as problem free. Social media is of course not a complete lens into anyone’s world! And it wouldn’t be appropriate to air all our dirty laundry. There are appropriate forums.

He had been accepted with a partial scholarship into university some time ago but refused to add me to the contact list or share anything going on with me so I had little way to partner with him towards this next big step. Yesterday my heart sang when he reached out to ask me with part of the registration.

This week has been full of graduation excitement with rehearsals and our daughter’s elementary moving up ceremony. My son has been delightful, smiling and participating more in family life. I even overheard him respond to a friend who was critical about the graduation ceremony that after all this it would be ridiculous not to walk (interspersed with lots of Dude! of course)!

So this morning I got up early, affixed his tassel to his cap and decorated the yard & dining room with graduate decorations. My heart thrills.

I know there will be ups and downs to come but for now I’m going to enjoy this hard earned moment of elation, relief and pride.

On Botox

This year I will turn 50.

I have been bothered by my wrinkly forehead in almost every sort of close up photo.

So I decided to try Botox. I have two groups of friends, the natural ones who have never and probably never will, and the younger than me ones who are obsessed with it. So…I decided to give it a whirl.

I chose a shop that is doctor owned and that my hairstylists really favor, being also personal friends with the owner who I know through them.

I made my appointment and reported at the scheduled time.

It was not the doctor who saw me but a PA. We met in an office and she gave me some choices and I chose the simplest, wanting to start small.

We moved to a treatment room and she left to mix up the magic potion. When she returned she iced my forehead. No pain killers.

Then she took a needle, explained where she would be making the injections and pinching my skin injected several times across my forehead and in between my eyebrows, the agreed upon places. I have to admit. I was x nervous and it hurt.

The injection spots were slightly red but nothing noticeable. Almost immediately I felt I did not have to choose between lifting my brows to avoid my scowl and not doing to avoid forehead lines.

I did meet a friend on my daughter’s field trip who is an injection rep and trainer and she did not favor the place I went, suggesting at the price I paid it was not real Botox, and telling me that technically I should not be able to frown at all, so maybe I will go elsewhere to see if that can be corrected.

Also it does change the landscape of your face… .now when I lift my brows they go up in an arch.

But overall I feel SO much better, less distracted by my lines, so much freer to show expression.