Warning to readers: This article addresses a very serious and disturbing cultural trend.
In our last article, Part I, we addressed mental health generally with encouragement and (hopefully)helpful ideas. Now we will address a specific area of mental health which is suicide prevention. This is a bit of a misnomer and I generally prefer the term suicide awareness. However, for purposes of this article, you understand the gist.
The fact is we cannot always know when someone is suicidal and many people take their own lives without having a history of what we might consider suicidal ideation or behavior. In my experience with my family members, this was the case. It was sudden and out of the blue. Especially in the case of teenage boys or young men, who disproportionately comprise the suicide completion statistics, multiplied where firearms are used, the decision and action can be very impulsive and seemingly sudden. And yet there is a period of premeditation in which the plan is put into action. It can be minutes, hours, days, even longer. Oftentimes these plans may be concocted in secret but there are still actions we can take as family members, loved ones, or even members of society that can help reduce the likelihood of a completed suicide act.
Of course we can talk to the person and ask if they are ok. Maybe share a meal or treat, spend time with them. Maybe we have the answer to whatever is troubling them. Or even just talking with us can help them feel better enough to continue on, to press forward through the life challenges that have presented, real or imagined.
We can also take the practical step of removing harmful objects from their sphere that are typically used for suicidal purposes. This could be lethal medication or other substances, toxic cleaning products, sharp objects and most obviously firearms.
Especially for teen boys and young men, firearms are a very common form of suicide. And where firearms are used, the completion rate is 90% as opposed to a much lower rate with other methods. In my opinion and tragic experience, it is extremely inadvisable to have firearms in a home with teenage or young adult people even if they seem happy, normal, healthy. In my situation, my sons obtained both of the firearms they used from their father and his girlfriend’s home. The firearms were unfortunately not securely stored. Even though I reasonably requested that they safeguard their home after the first tragedy, they refused. Even after our second son lost his precious life, in a court hearing the girlfriend argued in her testimony in support of keeping her firearms: “if it is not a gun, it’s going to be something else. Do I need to lock up a knife or rope or a dog leash?” This, as we have illustrated above, begs the question because the point is that a firearm increases the likelihood of success of the plan. Keeping firearms in the home when you have teens at home, especially males, compounds the risk of suicide, and is, pardon the pun, simply a Russian Roulette.
Preventing suicide death in teens and young adults is different from preventing firearm accidental death, especially with younger children. With young children, perhaps storing the firearm unloaded with ammunition separate may be sufficient. With teens and young adults, if they have access to the firearm they may be able to obtain ammunition separately on their own. They are also smarter and more observant, and unfortunately, able to keep better secrets, than younger children. You may not be aware that they have observed how you access your firearms and ammunition. In fact, perhaps you have even shared that with them and they have used your firearm with you at target practice. Familiarity with firearms may help to prevent accidental death but it is not going to help prevent death by suicide and may even contribute to it. One does not have to be expert at firing a firearm to compete a suicide when the intention and impulsivity is there.
I myself used to maintain a firearm and was properly trained to use it, and kept up to date with the intention of protecting my family. However, since my first son passed I no longer keep a firearm in my home, recognizing the risk for my other children is greater than the potential good. I have some other methods of security such as cameras and a watch dog (well, he is a golden retriever but hopefully a potential intruder would not realize this). I also have pepper spray for when we are out. I live in a state where firearms can now be carried openly, but I see it as too much of a risk for our family and would caution others with teens or young adult children in their home to avoid it as well.
I understand nostalgia of firearm culture in our country is strong but we are living in different times right now when our young people are facing such strong negative influences. They are still affected from the shutdown that caused so much isolation. They are facing the pressures of constant social media attention. And the environment for attaining college is very competitive.
I hope my personal narrative has been helpful to you as you navigate this heavy issue and that we can continue to improve the state of mental health of those around us and prevent needless tragedies.
In a crisis situation, call 988.
For more information you can see: Means Matter, https://hsph.harvard.edu/research/means-matter/means-matter-basics/firearm-access-is-a-risk-factor-for-suicide/; https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10233739; https://www.uchicagomedicine.org/forefront/research-and-discoveries-articles/firearm-related-suicide-trends; https://publichealth.jhu.edu/center-for-gun-violence-solutions/data/annual-gun-violence-data; https://www.medpagetoday.com/psychiatry/generalpsychiatry/83665
And please visit the blog my friend started in the wake of my son’s passing, which has more practical information as well as more personal stories. teensuicideandguns.com
Be safe. Be well. Come back for what I hope will be an encouraging Part III.
Notes From Real Life 