Home

I met with my accountant recently and she was speaking about the importance of preserving my home and never leveraging the equity. She described it as the little nest for my kids and I. I liked that description.

Home came up again in a morning yoga class my daughter and I attended. The instructor described down dog position as coming home, a place we rest and recover, a standard, stable base, a known quantity.

Home should be a peaceful oasis. There is a Bible verse that says “Better is a dry morsel with quiet than a house full of feasting with strife.” Proverbs 17:1 (ESV). To me this means that peace is more valuable than wealth if you have to choose between the two.

I have lived in two homes where this was not the case. In my home growing up my parents often fought and I was always on edge for fear that the very delicate peace could be disturbed. I never wanted to experience that as an adult. Unfortunately, no matter how much our reasonable brain attempts to avoid something we have learned is not positive, something within us can be drawn to something that is unfamiliar even if it is unhealthy. While I thought I was making a good decision, I entered a marriage that would have many of the same characteristics of my parents’, periods of peace, happiness and stability that would be rocked violently by an altercation out of the blue. Repeat for 20 years.

The oldest of my five children was 13 and my youngest was 6 when I finally made the difficult choice between preserving a marriage and choosing peace. I made the choice to establish a separate household for my children, experiencing the torn heart that occurs when you go from a full time, hands on, stay at home mom to only seeing your babies every other week. But the home I made for them, I hope, sets the stage for them to see the difference. I bought the home shortly after divorcing. We had all lived scrunched into a tiny apartment and they were so happy to spread out in a two story home. I filled that home over the years with a golden retriever puppy, cuddly kittens. I filled the walls with our family photos and children’s artwork. We have comfortable, simple furnishings including two couches to spread out in wtih our pets, and a large dining table for meals together. We have a lot of books, and I cook comforting home cooked meals.

Unfortunately, intentionally establishing a peaceful home does not prevent every negative situation that can occur. Individuals are all built with free will. Over the years we have experienced our share of teenage whim, parent-child division and even alienation, substance abuse, and unfortunately suicide. This proves that no amount of intentionality and provision can prevent every ill. But I maintain that a peaceful home is still the base for a happy life. Can it ensure a perfect family? Certainly not I have found. But I will never again compromise and live in an unpeaceful home and I would caution others to stand firm on this principle as well.