Notes From Real Life

This week my five kids returned to school. I expected it could be at least slightly chaotic as back to school week can be under the best circumstances. In fact it was peaceful.

Our school district gave 4 choices for school this year. Many people criticized me for sharing these with my kids and asking them what THEY thought would work best for THEM. Obviously we discussed all the known factors, including pros & cons. Many strongly suggested I should have picked for them. In the end one chose in person middle school, two chose remote learning at home following the in school schedule for the most part (my other middle schooler & high schooler), and my third & fifth grader chose homeschool. Everyone got up on their own, the middle schooler got himself dressed in his uniform (making sure he had enough shorts & shirts for the week) & made his lunch! The girls followed the schedule they had created & we worked together side by side downstairs while the older boys worked upstairs in their room, with their zoom classes & online assignments. They all loved the efficiency and finishing before their brother in school. But that one loves being with his friends & the independence of middle school. The girls love being able to take a break to play their piano any time they like. The big boys love coming down to take a play break with their new puppy.

For me the bottom line is that the experience underscores that when kids have some “buy in” they are more self motivated. When I contrast this with the drama of cajoling, meltdowns & coaxing of last year, not to mention the harriedness of getting five out the door to three different schools I amazed. Of course we have many weeks to go!

Also homeschooling again made me feel so grounded and provided purposeful interaction with my girls. They were younger when we homeschooled previously and I was more focused on the older boys. So the one on one is good for them. But I really appreciate them bringing the best of school home with the structure & methods & helpful tips. It’s really the best of both worlds.

Unfortunately this week my kids return to their father’s for the week and he plans to have his girlfriend with no homeschool experience teach them in violation of homeschool law. But I will be looking forward to our next week of school together and to watching them develop their knowledge and talents and personal responsibility.

I homeschooled my five kids for 12 years until in 2016 my oldest decided to attend public school entering 6th grade middle school. Homeschooling is so great. It was actually my once husband who proposed the idea when my oldest turned 3 and I was researching preschools. I learned all I could, got involved in a great homeschool moms group in our then hometown Denver, and dove in. I learned so much along the way from all the veteran homeschoolers out there. It was a wonderful way to learn together and connect as a family. Especially in those young years it is so meaningful for kids to engage in hands on learning. We went on field trips that showed how people do different jobs. We spent countless hours at the science and natural history museum. Actual homeschooling is Not what we finished last school year with, remote public school. But I wasn’t finished! There were so many more subjects I wanted us to explore together!

It seems now I may get my chance! Our Collier County School District has offered several choices for online school as alternatives to in person attendance and included homeschool as an option. (Actually homeschool is always an option under our Florida homeschool statute. (See my legal website, meganmkellylaw.com for more information on that.)) I know all the teachers whose heart is teaching and the students (which, honestly, here in Collier County, is 99% of those I’ve encountered) and administrators are doing their very best given the circumstances we currently face.

My oldest decided from the beginning to do the online scheduled school. He entered our 2500 student high school last year, rising at 5:30 am to make it to the school bus. He was relieved when COVID caused school to be conducted remotely!

My two oldest boys actually surpassed me greatly in weight & height during the lockdown and e-learning period because they were able to sleep more!

My four youngest originally wanted to homeschool but then I had a 50%attrition rate before I even began when the other two boys decided to: (1) go to school & (2) do the less scheduled remote school. That’s ok! I want them to learn in the best way for them.

But I am SO excited I get to homeschool my two girls, 8 & 10. So I ordered our books& as soon as their workbooks arrived they were off & running on their self directed program, 3rd & 5th grade!

We saw Bella’s teacher at church on Sunday & she was excited about this opportunity for us.

Who knows what can happen in these uncertain times? I choose to be grateful for slower time that allows for family & another chance to homeschool, whether for a semester or school year or more. Like all parenting, we just have to go with the flow. As much as I want to open up my children’s heads & pour in all they need to know, I realize it is not like that. Grateful for these individual souls who do not belong to me but whom I get to be with. They amaze and delight me everyday…and, yes, occasionally flabbergast & frustrate needs.

I write about a wide variety of subjects. You should know this one will be political in nature so if you aren’t interested in a reasonable presentation of facts on such a topic this is your notice so you may move on.

Which brings me to my topic. You’ve heard of MoveOn.org. Perhaps not so in vogue now that we have BLM and ANTIFA but a going concern nonetheless, which has been active in the political sphere. MoveOn was created in response to the Clinton impeachment hearings, in an effort to get Americans to do just that, move on from an unpleasant topic whereby the man in the highest position of power took advantage of a girl in one of the lowest positions within his sphere of power and influence. IMO, the textbook example of sexual harassment. Democrats felt uncomfortable with the dichotomy that created for them, their hero calling into question…no, outright violating… one of their platforms, “women’s rights”.

Another glaring example of wanting to quickly move on was in the wake of the Benghazi scandal. As the horrors of that 13 hour debacle created by former Democratic candidate Hillary Clinton began to trickle out, the Democrats were quick to urge American voters to forget about that ugly bit of recent history. Forget about the young heroes’ lives lost. Forget about the mishandling of a major international terror attack.

Now we have the left systematically destroying evidence of America’s path toward growth and development, even its not so pretty aspects, but it’s past nonetheless, short as it is in comparison to some other countries’.

Looking past the fact that the monuments being destroyed belong to the people (whether of that local community, state or the nation), and the correct action for proper and legal removal …the destruction of evidence of the past is harmful.

First, we learn from the past. History repeats itself but reasonable good citizens can combat treacheries such as slavery and Naziism, to use two examples, by studying and learning how those institutions occurred and recognizing the warning signs.

Having just re-read George Orwell’s 1984 for the third time, I am reminded of the dramatic way that the understanding of the populace can be dictated by controlling access to knowledge of the past. If the past (even if not happy or moral or accepted by current standards) can be stamped out, this gives way to the possibility of controlling the present. And, just as our Founders understood, if you get certain people or groups in power, this can be a not so happy occasion. And elections do not prevent this…just look at every instance where the “democratic” process has been manipulated.

It is also important to note that tearing down statues can lead to widespread violence. You don’t need look all the way back to the French Revolution to see this. Just look at the news.

And instead of moving on, remember & think.

This post was inspired by two requests. I don’t feel entirely comfortable preaching or teaching. I am always in learning and simply like to share my experience so others can take what is useful to them.

I was speaking with a friend today who noted that we cannot grow stronger if we are not challenged. The comfort zone is ok sometimes but not as a permanent hangout.

For me, in order to allow situations to strengthen instead of fell me I have found I need to have a certain amount of acceptance, humor, perspective. I mostly do ok. When business disputes arise I can face those quite squarely and take my knocks and losses, learn my lessons and move on. It is much more challenging on the personal side where the stakes seem so much higher, personal, the most precious assets threatened. This can nearly take me down in hopelessness and despair at times. But books like The Conscious Parent and reminders that the bond with our children is not necessarily created by force and is so much more than we can observe insure me to press on. In these moments I try to take the high road, to act with class and kindness even when I want to scream “what are you thinking?!”

A wise friend said don’t be afraid to take a loss. Another said quiet is not weak. I have so many wonderful mentors. I could go on.

So when one week contains all of the following events: court orders that don’t seem in my favor, actions by bullies that make no sense, the chaos of dividing myself between five young people, the disappointment of giving so much to a client who decides to go elsewhere rather than pay what is owed, or any other conceivable circumstance…I try to maintain a calm, positive outlook; appreciate what Is going right; look for the lesson; and keep on moving forward one step at a time.

www.instagram.com/p/BtOxLiMBtId/

This title was a favorite quote of my late boss who had practiced law for fifty years. He would tell clients this in order to tamp down their expectations.

I Know I Know I Know we have the best system of justice in the world…but, man-made as it is, it still has its faults.

My recent experience in the family court highlights them. I think they can be especially apparent in this area which is built around balancing standards and full of daily he-said-she said.

This unfortunately makes it an ideal forum for narcissists and other abusers who are practiced at portraying a calm, reasonable demeanor as a public face. It is the perfect forum for them to force the status quo. The court can become an unwitting accomplice, and once that type of person is granted anything they can perceive as a victory, their power is unleashed.

Once unleashed, this type of person will throw in the face, taunt, force, intimidate until they get their way.

They will throw caution to the wind to try to prove a point. They will force discomfort and awkwardness on their children. They will come to your home uninvited and stand over you and your children while you try to eat your dinner. You never know how emboldened they will become…

When it comes to your children, how can you think in terms of win and lose? The only thing that matters is their current and future wellbeing, physical & emotional. I would be held in contempt, even go to jail…more…any day for standing up for my kids when they have been innocent.

So it is that I do not consider myself to have “lost” by being held in contempt for choosing to keep my kids with me rather than return them to their dad during the COVID pandemic.

For three months we stayed healthy together, learned together & worked together. I have the Best team. Last Tuesday the judge decided I had done wrong because, in his words but paraphrased, parents can’t go around making decisions in the best interest of their children. The children were ordered back to their dad’s and we are returning to our regular week to week schedule.

I guess it does not go over well to begin your opening statement with the fact that, with all due respect and no apologies, you did what your mother’s heart felt was best to protect your children during the unknown impending COVID pandemic.

I don’t consider it defeat. I consider it success. It doesn’t matter that their dad didn’t pay any more than the usual $242 per month child support or kept the economic impact payment for three of the kids. It doesn’t even really matter that he has traveled to Paris, London, Grand Cayman & Cuba and had planned to travel to Hawaii with his girlfriend but for COVID. All on his reported $1800 per month income. This once great top-of-his game tax planner.

It only matters that the kids stayed safe & healthy and that we had that time together.

And a daily dose of cuteness makes it better.

And where did dad & girlfriend head as soon as the “bad mama Order” issued? A Tampa water park. COVID be damned!

A moment ago we were “all in this together.” Now a civil war seems to have erupted in our nation, spreading across the world. The following texts come to mind, in that order, speaking to the inherent worth of Every human being. (As a conscious eater I also believe animals have their own inherent but different value but that is a different topic…) Could we strongly call out police brutality on an individual basis and deal with the root of the issues without violence and stealing? Our nation and world have been through enough. We don’t need to turn against one another and further ruin the economy upon which Everyone (but admittedly more immediately the “little guy,” whether black or white, woman or man) depends for true life, Liberty & the pursuit of happiness.

Full disclosure. Today is my birthday. 29 again! So as birthdays can cause us to do I began the day reflecting. The fact is I spent 20 years living peaceably in Colorado. Then I moved to this state called Florida and all hell broke loose…That’s one version. But upon closer examination it was revealed to me that sometimes what feels like hell breaking loose is actually heaven opening. What feels like losing control is allowing ourselves to grow. Staying little and quiet was my life for a while and I served my purpose then, birthing my babies, keeping them alive, even thriving I would argue, through toddlerhood, and keeping the household running. But sometimes being in a new place gives you new perspective and unleashes a desire to really live out a larger purpose.

If you saw the path ahead you might never venture forth. That is the truth.

If I had known that all in the space of two months I would create the biggest renovation of my life, complete with multiple managenent exercises with contractors and Home Depot…encounter two ornery realtors…be sued by one of their clients over $10,000 in escrow…be sued by my children’s father for wanting to protect them during the pandemic…all while monitoring the elearning…I would have run for cover!

If you had told me that 6 months ago I would have traveled to Kenya & met Joseph with my oldest son I would not have believed you.

If you had told me I would take another Bar exam after 20 years, open my own firm, have clients who are as amazing as all of mine, I would not have believed it.

So when I consider the fact that I may not be financially richer than I was two years ago I am richer in experience, the additional people in my life, life lessons, and this maybe is what it means to live at your potential. It is not always feeling comfortable and secure but it is growth, taking risks. It is exciting. It is life.

Even if our life is already pretty great, every day we need to consider what could be improved. Little things…moving something around to provide more convenience in the home….big things…a job or relationship change? Increasing happiness, love. And always, living at our potential. 🌿

I have been thinking about family situations where everyone at home all together right now is not as happy as it appears on Facebook. I know. I have been there. If this resonates with you, I am thinking of you and you are not alone. You are not the only one who has been in the place you’re in. You are not alone in your experience.

I know what it is, and so do others before you, to feel uncomfortable in your own home which should be a safe retreat. How it is to feel unloved by the one with whom you share your life, home, children…

This moment requires incredible strength. Be hopeful. Happiness and peace are reality and can be achieved. Sometimes it requires leaving a place of apparent comfort, a stretching beyond what you thought possible before.

This moment is a good one to take stock and consider where we are, where our potential calls us to be.✨I wanted to recommend a resource that has been helpful to me, http://www.melanietonievans.com. 💕