Why I am buying real books again. No, it is not so my one year old puppy can nibble on them, though that may have happened! My friend & I visited Costco the other night (yes, it was a big Friday night!) and I purchased 3 classic books in hardcover. I had orders two more. They are stacked on my HS son’s computer desk in a suggestion to encourage him to read these important works (DM me for my essential reading list!). For a long time I veered toward paperless. We have always been library patrons (yes, mostly through overdue fines, my main philanthropic contribution through the years) & frequent visitors, particularly as former homeschoolers. I wanted to save trees and money. However, recently, it had come to my attention (alarmingly!) that it may be dangerous to depend upon the internet for our sole or primary source of information & research. Here’s why. We have to look to who is controlling the information database and what might be the agenda and value system of these controlling groups/entities. This hit me like a ton of bricks recently when trying to provide research sources to one of my older children supporting our decision not to vaccinate. It alarmed me that information and studies I had easily found a few years back have either been eradicated or bombarded by the governmental pro-vaccine push of statistics and “studies.” Contained among these is heavy condemnatory opinion pieces slandering those who choose to keep their bodies feee from foreign matter produced in laboratories (because we should definitely trust laboratories after the recent events!).
Why I have started answering my phone with my firm’s band instead of my own. Because so many people take it upon themselves to solicit me with everything from professional listings to SS scams every day. Unfortunately, due to the dubious nature of these people I found the need to filter.
Why I do not support mass transit public transportation government initiatives…while on a recent business trip to my long time home Denver, Colorado I learned some interesting history. Pre WWII there had been an extensive commuter railway system between Denver, Boulder and their outlying “suburbs” at the time. Following WWII these were dismantled due to modern highways. Fast forward to a push to now build “light rail” infrastructure along these very same lines to the tune of millions and billions of taxpayer dollars. To me this little historical bit underscores government inefficiency and highlights why the market and private enterprise is the better avenue for infrastructure initiatives.
When you are dealing with a narcissist co-parent people who have never experienced one will say things like: it will all turn out, the kids will be fine, just be nice and he’ll come around, and… just sit down and talk to him about it.
These reasonable advice givers do not understand that the more you attempt to reason with the narcissist the more inclined they are to do the opposite of what you are asking. This makes no sense of course. The only reason is because they want you to react. This is what fuels them. It is sick and crazy but true.
They long for the day when they had you in their grasp and could turn the situation from a pleasant morning or evening into a hellish one so fast it made your head spin as you sat in your puddle of tears on the bathroom floor wondering what you did wrong and vowing to yourself that you would fix whatever character flaw it could have been so you could have a healthy happy relationship.
If you’re there now and reading this, hear me: IT IS NOT YOU!
The only true way to escape a narcissist is to get the hell completely away from them. Sever ALL ties.
But if you made the big mistake of having children with a narcissist you cannot do this while you are forced to co parent.
The narcissist will demand and be able to convince the court to grant him equal parenting time even though he has NO interest in parenting. Your babies will be left unattended and untended. You will helplessly hear stories from them of their father leaving them alone morning and night to pursue his own superstar sports activities. You will hear them beg you to not make them go to their dad’s but you will be forced by the court to leave them on his door step as they cry to you not to leave them.
You will see them dressed in rags in their school pictures taken while with him.
They will raid your pantry and fridge out of hungry desperation when they return to your care, having been forced to eat only meat, as raw as possible, for the last week.
You will suggest to them that they talk to to their dad about wanting to spend time with him without other women present and you will cry your heart out when they tell you they did and he ignored their requests.
And so would you be if you were threatened that your face would be smashed.
You will watch as your kids are moved around from cruddy apartment to cruddier apartment when they could be living at your home.
And you will die a little when he tells you he’ll be moving them into his girlfriend’s home.
You will hear your kids speak of the grand promises made by him and you will know that he will let them down like he did you time and again.
You will watch their dad strongarm them into not taking medication prescribed by their doctor and prevent them from attending counseling sessions.
And time and again you will hear attorneys tell you it is just not enough to change the situation. There must be bruises, real evidence of abuse.
And that is the really sick part. The brokenness of the system.
That allows your beautiful family to be ripped apart.
So save yourself heartache that will never heal and do not have children with a narcissist.
If you thought the narcissist was bad while you were together (looking back since you did not see it then), calling you crazy, “forgetting” he or she said things, accusing you of an affair in front of your children after you go out fir drinks with colleagues (never mind his weekend “team building” over the top corporate events), reading your diary, searching your drawers, refusing to respect privacy, and causing a general unpredictable environment where things could up of be great one moment and escalate to apocalyptic fights the next…well, all I can say is, get ready for when you leave and especially when you learn to stay calm and appear unaffected. The following are personally experienced possible occurrences.
He will leave his phone behind while you attend a family function together which someone will give you to take to him (Do Not Take It!) and he will send the police to your door claiming you stole it. He will use one of your children’s phones that you pay for to call them and tell your children this lie.
He will make up abundant lies about you to tell your children and others. You will constantly wage a war of truth. You will have constant fact checking meetings with your children to make sure they understand the truth.
You or your children will make simple requests, to assemble a bicycle for example, and his girlfriend (or boyfriend) will tell him or her that this is an outrageous request and he will refuse.
He …or she…will do Everything in his power to disparage you, and will attempt (and succeed sometimes) to separate your children from you, isolate them, and reprogram them.
Not in any real way except that the CDC has awakened to political pressure if not reality.
It was good to see my Catholic church finally do away with its mask mandate even if it did wait for CDC to dictate it. I am more impressed with the Baptist church where my girls participate in AWANA which never paused in its mission throughout the “pandemic,” conducting vacation Bible school when no or very few other area churches were and never requiring masks. This is a church whose children’s and youth programs are run by older ladies too so it is especially significant.
I am troubled by the fact that this test run of government control over churches was such a success, the willingness of the church to bow to government mandate.
I do not think our Founders who were adamant about the freedom to follow our individual conscience when it comes to practicing our faith or Jesus, who reached out and touched very sick people every day and encouraged his disciples to do so too, would approve.
In fact, placing public health and safety above all other values is a very dangerous proposition completely out of line with both our nation’s founding ideas and my Christian faith.
The “pandemic” has prompted people to demand whether people have had the vaccine and postulate that someone might have COVID when they miss an event for illness. All of this borders on HIPAA violation in my humble opinion.
In any event, why is COVID, coronavirus, Wuhan flu, whatever you want to call it, any different than Polio, Whooping Cough, smallpox, flu, typhus, TB, or any number of the diseases that have plagued humanity? What is so different that we must stop the economy, hinder education, violate privacy and mask ourselves? Looking at statistics, I don’t think the numbers of deaths or contagiousness are a very good response. Why should this disease alone warrant a “vaccine passport”?
This level of ridiculousness is astounding. Today, after the CDC decreed we may unmask, I needed to pop into World Market very quickly for a gift bag. Barely anyone was in the store. A young worker gal rushed up to me and asked if I had a mask. I said you know we don’t need to wear them anymore. She said haughtily well you do in this store! I pulled one out and wore it. Checking out, another would be patron entered the store, was beset upon by the same gal & said BS, and left. I informed the clerk that I would resume my shopping when they lifted their mandate. The clerk replied, “we will when it is safe for everyone.” Really? When is Life going to be “safe” for Everyone? That seems rather unrealistic. Should we stop driving in cars because they are a number one killer?
Later I needed to go into our local grocery, Publix, twice (!) and did not wear a mask either time (as has been my regular practice). The employees were friendly and helpful and never demanded a mask. Statistically speaking, you would Think the grocery store where people need to shop sick or healthy would be more adamant than a specialty goods store!
Getting back to the “safe for everyone” comment…this situation has prompted many stupid comments. Amon them: Canadians saying “everyone just needs to stay home until this is over”; a Colorado resident stating that it was no big deal that restaurants has gone out of business because, like the stock market’s ups and downs, others would reopen; and I’m sure without much pressing we could think of numerous others…
Being lectured from the pulpit on Christmas Eve and Easter Sunday were the worst. So it was really great to be back to “normal” today, some devout parishioners even accepting the Eucharist on their tongue in the traditional manner of their youth. And singing. I missed the singing! Along with the faces.
Are you ready for your daily dose of what some call “conspiracy” and I call common sense?
This comedy of errors called the Biden “presidency” is making me want to read Ayn Rand’s 1,000 plus page philosophical work Atlas Shrugged again. What is happening before our eyes, bad policy gone manic, focusing the unimportant while terrible results occur from those policies, demonizing those who create and undergird the society and economy…was drawn out in detail through deep character development and similar plot occurrences in that great work of a book. If you have not read it I urge you to do so and note similarities to today’s goings on. The current volleying of bad policy piled upon worse policy is also redolent of Maoist policies, including the Cultural Revolution, which resulted in millions of deaths of Chinese citizens by the hands of its own foolish and/or evil government.
So now evidence is coming out that it may actually now be safer to go to work than stay at home due to all of the very expensive safety additions to a lot of the major workplaces…this news in just in time for those who still have a job to get back to a regular workday…if in fact they aren’t making more on unemployment or were employed in one of the oil industry jobs lost on Day 1 of the Biden “presidency”.
There has been for a long time rumor of human manufacturing of the COVID virus. If this were true, how convenient for the pharmaceutical companies which have made vast profit from the pandemic and will continue to profit from the government funded vaccination campaign (and boosters that will be prescribed).
Just to recap, Biden took over a world where the Middle East was essentially at peace only to have bombs dropping relentlessly a few months later. “You will hear of wars and rumors of wars…” (The Bible at Matthew 24:6.)
Biden canceled the Colonial Pipeline on Day 1 and as I write there is panic at the pumps a la 1970’s.
The Biden Administration pushed through a multi trillion dollar spending bill (that BTW) supports so many things it supposedly seeks to counter that is completely nonsensical, which incentivizes the populace to stay at home unemployed. Under principles of basic economics this will inevitably lead to inflation, probably hyper, of which we can see the evidence of the beginnings.
When Biden took office interest rates were extremely low. However those are forecasted to jump.
And if you don’t care about economics (impossible as it would mean you don’t care about life), what about the despicable human rights crisis at the southern border?
Do you like living in a country with high inflation and high interest rates and lines at the pump? This looks an awful lot like Germany before Hitler rise to power. It makes you wonder if bad times are being created according to a plan rather than accidental to make way for even more government control over our lives.
Of course it is admirable to fight against inequality of opportunity based on skin color. The problem with the way the modern movement is being handled is that it is actually emphasizing skin color and encouraging separatism, in schools and in society in general.
The fight against racism has become a referendum on American society and its roots in general.
As Christopher F. Rufo points out in the March 2021 edition of Hillsdale College’s Imprimis publication: “77 percent of conservatives are afraid to share their political beliefs publicly. Worried about getting nibbled on social media, fired from their jobs, or worse, they remain quiet, largely ceding the public debate to those pushing these anti-American ideologies.”
For heavens sake. All students are taught anymore is that President Jefferson was a slave owner. Do they receive a fullyrounded version, includingthat in “[h]is own draft of the Declaration… he made it clear that blacks were human and that slavery was a moral abomination and a blot upon the honor of his country“? (All to Honor Jefferson by Jean Yarborough, May 2009, in Imprimis.)
Rufo said: Americans are naturally outraged that critical race theory promotes three ideas – race essentialism, collective guilt, and now-segregation-which violate the basic principles of equality and justice. Anecdotally, many Chinese-Americans have told me that having survived the Cultural Revolution in their former country, they refuse to let the same thing happen here.”
I cannot express it better than Rufo: “Above all, we must have courage-the fundamental virtue required in our time. Courage to stand and speak the truth. Courage to face the mob. Courage to shrug off the scorn of the elites. When enough of us overcome the fear that currently prevents so many from speaking out, the hold of critical race theory will begin to slip. And courage begets courage. It’s easy to stop a lone dissenter; it’s much harder to stop 10, 20, 100, 1,000, 1,000,000, or more who stand up together for the principles of America.”
I for one am not afraid, and my children know it & God willing will follow in my footsteps. I will defend this country, imperfect as she may be, and the values upon which she was founded, for I believe she is still, as Abraham Lincoln referred to our nation, The Last Best Hope of Earth.🇺🇸
Some people might consider it failure. But I am proud that I took the oldest house in Naples Park and renewed it. I did it at the height of COVID. I didn’t know our properties would be in such Deb and a year later and couldn’t hold it that long even if I did. You can see TJ s work in progress on my YouTube channel, MKelly. #investor#realestate #fixandflip #renovation
I am a lawyer by training, not a psychiatrist or even psychologist. What I write is purely experiential. I had never really explored the meaning of the term “narcissist.” I certainly never realized I had been married to one. But then I began to research and learn and the truth was overwhelming. As you begin to understand this condition/personality type it can make you question everything, especially after a long term relationship. We’re they always that way and you miss it? Maybe. They can be very good about covering it up. But you probably saw glimpses and dismissed it because you had not learned to trust your instinct. Your confidence had been eroded so that you doubted yourself. If a fight occurred or some thing got messed up, it was clearly always your fault. He knew it and you did too. I had a long term relationship with one and we shared children in common. I know how long it takes to recalibrate and see the truth. And I am still learning after breaking away just three years ago.
There is a lot of information out there about how to co-parent amicably. Not to be negative, but only truthful: I can tell you that None of it will help you in doing so with a Big Narcissist.
Also not very useful are the recommendations to completely disassociate and not even think about them. How can you when the court has ordered you to coordinate and come to agreement on a myriad of items relating to the children including vacations, activities, discipline, health, finances…
In fact, the other day I was brought low by the quandary of whether I would ever escape his grasp.
Yes, I am more aware, more free, stronger, more at peace than when I lived in his shadow all those years. And yet, if you are where I was, you should know, not be naive like me, that if you leave you will feel the full force as you may never have while you remained small and compliant.
He will flaunt the money he took from you after you lived hemmed in by his stringent financial boundaries during those years thinking you were contributing toward retirement.
He will take 7 (known) international trips with his girlfriend after telling you while you were married that watching a travel show was just as good as traveling, after promising you and your little kids a trip to Europe and failing to follow through.
He will buy investment houses and fix them up beautifully while housing your children in a beat up moldy apartment.
He kiss his girlfriend in the middle of the kids’ soccer games.
He will take his girlfriend to Hawaii while telling your little girl gymnastics is too expensive.
He will tell his girlfriend you are crazy and she will tell your kids you are a bad Christian and tell your ex-narcissist not to assemble your little girl’s bike just because it came from you.
He will have you threatened. And deny it despite the evidence.
He will try to discredit you no matter how educated you are or whether you are a professional and/or business owner.
He will side with your teenager and against you in teenage battles.
He will throw a wrench into your summer plans to take the children to visit a grandparent they haven’t seen in a year and a half due to COVID.
He will continue to make promises and fail to keep them.
I write this not to discourage but to help you prepare. You have to know the wrath you will face when you leave. You cannot expect to have a pleasant relationship focused on the children’s best interests for the narcissist knows no interests but his own.
Prepare yourself by surrounding yourself by those who believe you and in you.
This is a true undercover story. I decided to become as one of the disadvantaged members of our society to gain compassion. Well, I wish that were true. But the sad truth is this is a story about my life.
I went to law school, married a man there with a similar level graduate degree. We married, had five children. He was the breadwinner. I was the stay at home, homeschool mom. And one day he quit his job. Just quit. With no intention of finding a replacement position.
One day my husband is top dog at a huge international company and my family has full medical and dental coverage. And the next he quits and we have NO insurance coverage.
I jumped through hoops and was finally able to get the other two covered. It took so much time & energy. Then in 2020, we’ll what can we say about 2020? “Bad year” would be an understatement. The kids were kicked out of Healthy Kids and down to Medicaid. I was mortified. Here I am an attorney and my kids are on Medicaid!
When we divorced a few years after living this way I agreed in our settlement to provide their health coverage because he refused. After paying private insurance for a while I applied for Florida Healthy Kids. Since my ex has three kids for tax purposes while I have the other two, the two who are under me did not qualify because of my income. The other three qualified because his reported income made it possible (while he took at least 5 international trips).
The two kids who I had worked so hard to get covered under Healthy Kids now ended up in a version of Medicaid with a $3,000 per month deductible. Not a misprint. Y’all, that’s $36,000 a year one could spend before coverage would kick in! Is there any private insurance that would rival that kind of cost?
Before the change in coverage I had been seeking medical answers to an issue my oldest son was having, while at the same time exploring natural options. We had been issued cards bearing a new PCP assignment. I contacted them at the number on the card to restart the process of investigating the issue.
After giving my address , the receptionist asked me which office in a city at least 5 hours away I would like to visit. What?! How did we get assigned to a doctor there?!
Remedying this situation took more calls and time which involved going through an automated system to try to change the PCP which did not list the old PCP…whose office said they are a provide under the coverage.
Now I will tell you another story. It is called Going to the Medicaid Dentist. A new experience. Three children and I arrive. With the above shuffling we had been required to switch to a different dentist. I complete massive amounts of paperwork of course. Then I am informed by the receptionist that today will be x-rays, then we will come back for the cleanings. Have you ever heard of such a thing? This is the way the Medicaid contract works they explained. Finally B is called back. The girls & I are told to wait. I have never been asked to separate from a child before and didn’t like it one bit. We wait. Wait. Wait. And Mama Bear erupts and demands to be shown to her child this moment! I tell them we are All coming back this time. Oh, there was a machine malfunction. Great. So someone couldn’t come and let me know? And what exactly does a machine malfunction mean when that machine is a special machine that targets radiation at your body? (Oh, BTW, this dentist requires 6 x-rays every 6 months!)
The x-Ray visit took 3 hours! Three hours of missed school instruction, and three more to come at the cleaning!
What it brings to light is…INEFFICIENCY! Seriously, no wonder poor people can’t work! They spend their days waiting at the freaking doctor & dentist!
Yes, but more. Here I am an educated mom who is having to use every brain cel possible to figure out how to get through this system. How does the average Medicaid mom do it? I’m a lawyer & I can barely figure out how to move forward on behalf of my family. Meanwhile, of course I am using my education and abilities to adjust and build up and be able to provide without any government support. But not everyone has that.
Shame on my kids’ dad. Shame on our government for mucking up this health care system. I believe it is one of the systems we will be seeing come down and I celebrate the prospect. This is not the way health care should look.
Below is an update from a s he dukes dental office visit for 4 of my children. After taking them out of school for the appointment I was told by the dental office manager that we would need to separate, the children being taken one by one into the back for treatment and others left in the waiting room. I politely asked if we might all stay together and assured him we would stay out of the way. I was told that if I wanted to do that I should have brought someone else with me. I have never had a pediatric practitioner insist on testing my kids without my presence or worse leaving them in a waiting area alone. So I wanted to share. Do not settle for this type of practice. I can tell you as a mom and trained lawyer this is Not right.
Video from dentist visit where the dental office manager demanded I separate from my kids The dentists (None of them talked to us about this policy, only Jorge Perez, the Manager. He gave me the number for Daisy his boss in another office, but she has not returned my call.)The office. Scary that they have a sign that warms people not to threaten the staff…why would I leave my children alone in a waiting room if people have been threatening the staff?! This is not a normal dental office.
I wondered if I was being too strict or weird by hesitating to share my home WiFi password. I operate a home law office and also conduct real estate transactions so I try to keep on top of cyber security, which of course can be quite the job today with all of the full time hackers out there. I feel like it’s bad enough having to share with my children’s school district issued laptops connected to the government school server!
I have had many people, kids and adults alike, ask me for my WiFi password when visiting my home. I always feel like I need to come up with an excuse. I try to explain that I need to ensure my network is secure to protect my clients. However, I’ve often been given a blank stare or made to feel weird. So I finally looked it up to see if I am being unreasonable, and now feel vindicated. Thought I’d share in case anyone has experienced a similar situation. So many new “rules” of life in this digital age!
Notes From Real Life 