Notes From Real Life

If they treat their kids that way, think how they will treat yours….it seems it would not take a genius to realize…and yet…

Today I had an appointment with a new client. Since I operate a virtual office we were going to meet in the conference room of the individual who had referred her. This morning I got a call regarding a medical emergency that made this meeting venue untenable. Well, we have to be flexible & roll with life! So I invited her to meet at my home “office” which is in reality my dining room table. First I scrubbed off the maple syrup from our gluten free pumpkin waffle breakfast (great recipe by the way!). 😅

The meeting was good but I had made coffee but she didn’t want any…coffee anyone? ☕️It’s Kenyan & Delicious!😀

Warning: We are not in Kenya anymore so this post is less travel journal and more pointedly targeting the issue of narcissistic behavior so unless that interests you check in later. Thanks!

Imitation may be the sincerest form of flattery in certain circumstances but in a toxic relationship it is just another form of harassment.

Around 2013 my then husband left his very high paying, respectable profession and became a stay at home dad…even though I was already serving that function…as stay at home mom/home & family manager that is, having left my career as an attorney years before to stay home with our first baby, which grew over the following seven years to 5 babies!, homeschooling them, growing & making healthy food for everyone & shoving it down some of the pickier ones’ throats😅, and generally providing for the needs of the family.

All of a sudden someone was re-examining my procedures and processes, reinventing, but mainly attempting to replicate. I felt like a CEO whose company had called in a consulting firm to investigate and eventually replace. I resolved the issue somewhat by returning to my old law firm two days a week while my kids’ dad took over homeschooling for those two days.

I’m sure there were other instances that have been lost in the recesses of my memory but fast forward to another event that sticks in my mind. Shortly after divorcing I posted some affirmations and value statements to frame our new 6 person family unit…”we learn from our mistakes..,we forgive ourselves and one another…we contribute to the work of the family”…etc. Lo and behold, the next time I dropped my kiddos off at their father’s there was a poster on the wall that looked quite familiar. Good you say, right? I guess…but when you’ve been told so many times your value are questionable and you’re a bad mom it strikes a stark contrast to see them reflected on the wall of the accuser!

So I am continually incorporating improving ideas into my life in general and our family life as part of that. I try to learn from others’ good practices and shared ideas. So recently I began inviting each of my children for a special one-on-one overnight with me, clearing this with their dad during his parenting time. They like different things so sometimes we order in, sometimes go out, watch a movie, whatever. I find this helps me connect because sometimes managing the whole family can become all logistics without connection!

Well, the other day my son went to his dad’s to ostensibly play basketball after school and never returned. By evening I was concened & contacted his father, asking when he would be bringing him home. After al it was a school night. I was told to “chill out” & that he would be staying the night. The difference between how this event, which I believe was another attempt at imitation, and my planned & pre-cleared overnight one-ok-ones is stark. Instead of building into the life of my son it was a blatant use of him as a pawn.

Every day I am thankful for the distance between me and what I lived under for my whole adult life. Now I see clearly. Now I am free. I know some of you reading are living through what I did. Hope this helps you see you are not crazy.🙏🏻

(Insert this post a few back…I was waiting for a copy of the pic from my fellow traveller…hope you enjoy!)

So while it is true we have been in the go this trip I have missed my usual exercise routine & our last hotel did not have a fitness center. I did early morning yoga by the pool but I am not motivated enough on my own. Well tonight I happened upon a Zumba class and then another gal from our group happened in too & oh my gosh I made up in a single hour for all the days of non exercise. Our instructor was a tall, super fit, lanky, dancing Kenyan…with a whistle. The Kenyan music was pumped up high & we were Moving. The whistle was going to let us know when to change. This was not my salsa based Zumba from the US. I don’t usually need water while I exercise but half way through this class I saw a water cooler…and was desperately scanning the room for cups. None. But I made it through. I know I’ll be sore tomorrow. Thank you Tony Tosedo!

After our hotel shuttle collected us from our metro stop yesterday we checked in, freshened up & enjoyed a lovely dinner in the little Italian restaurant at our hotel to avoid going back out in the cold. ❄️

Stuffed, we retired to our room & both climbed into our cozy beds. I looked at the time & started laughing. It wasn’t even 8:00! And almost 13 hours later Q is still sleeping!

But we did have a little late night excitement. Around midnight the fire alarms started blaring & we were all ushered out into the chilly, now wet, night. Somehow all the other guests were fully clothed but I was in my hotel robe & Q was in a tshirt! 😅Fortunately the firemen showed up, nothing came over it & we were allowed back in.

Never a dull moment! That’s my life. All of ours. The trick is to approach it all with humour & grace, a continual practice. So though our trip has ended maybe this blog won’t. If I have anything to share along the way I might if you allow. Until then…thanks for following along! I am honored.😘❤️

After our 17 hour journey Q & I rolled off the airplane, took a Lyft to the closest metro station to IAD, bought two one-day metro passes & hopped over to the National Mall toting our giant suitcases now emptied of our gifts & filled with a few souvenirs (my suitcase lost the 10 pounds I probably gained eating all that pilau, Chapati & mandazi!). Like Forest Gump we just happened to find ourselves in the midst of a Huge prolife march/rally. 😂 Kind of fitting I guess with the whole chid protection & support theme here. Now, since we’ve accidentally broached it, I will share that my view on that issue is similar to my view on war. Obviously, like war, nobody is For it, even those who happen to believe it is necessary in certain circumstances it simply none of other people’s business. Well, I thought so until I witnessed a few folks from the other side parading down the street chanting “we love abortion!” That struck me as a bit unseemly. In any event apparently this march of which I was totally unaware having been a bit out of touch with the domestic news (though I did read the Kenyan papers, which were refreshing!), was quite well attended.

So, pushing through the crowds, we hit the Natural History Museum & the Air & Space. Shared a delicious funnel cake on the Mall, watching a squirrel eat some scrumptious morsel while perched on the trash can. I Love the city.

Marching around DC, even with our giant suitcases, seemed easy breezy after our international experience & surviving our long flight.

It is good to be home. America remains my favorite. I love our flushing toilets that swallow up gallons of water that is recycled over & over. I love that we can brush our teeth with & drink from the tap. I love our fairly orderly transportation systems. Hate me if you want but I love ubiquitous Starbucks. And I love being in the same time zone as my other babies again.

It’s our last day in Kenya! This morning we got the experience everyone travels here for, Safari! 🦒🐘🐆Of all nights, it rained hard last night! We have had such beautiful weather otherwise, with just a few afternoon sprinkles on a couple of days. Although the rain had stopped by sunrise when we set out it had left the trails through the Nairobi National Park muddy and rutted. One of our 8 vans became stuck fast and the rest of us had to take on extra passengers. My group’s driver was amazing though & we sailed through after a wild, swerving, sliding ride! It added to the excitement! We saw baboons & giraffes up close, tons of impala & gazelle & antelope, rhino in the distance & lots of birds!

Then we got to visit the elephant sanctuary where baby elephants who’ve been orphaned are rehabilitated & eventually reintroduced into the wild, kept track of by their keepers until they have been adopted by a herd. We learned so much and it was super fun to watch these “little”’babies drink their milk & interact with one another, their keepers & us! You can even adopt one for only $50/year! One but we learned is that most are there because of human-wildlife conflict so most importantly please, no ivory or rhino horn!

It is amazing to be in the land so beautifully written about in Out of Africa; West With the Night; Circling the Sun; The Snows of Kilimanjaro…!

Today we were greeted warmly at Compassion’s national office. Actually it is headquarters for their regional operations throughout Africa. I am inspired and encouraged by this organization’s commitment to environmental rehabilitation; hands-on, consistent, relationship-based lifting children out of poverty.

A special treat was getting to hear from 8 alumni from the program. It is heart warming and truly amazing to hear their stories of rising out of the clutches of the Dandora Slum to graduate from college and achieve many other successes as bloggers, fashion designers, World Bank interns and always always giving back as volunteers and supporters of other children in similar conditions.

Something I have noticed here in Kenya is bathrooms separated not just by gender but for adults & children. Today I asked about this & was told it is to protect children. I think it is an excellent idea.

Welcome to Kenya where the lines are nonexistent for the ancient amusement park rides! 😂 I screamed so loud on the roller coaster because I was terrified we’d fly off the rusty track at any moment or a little lap belt would fail & one of us would go flying off. And what did “my boys” do but signal to the ride master to circle round two extra times to torture me! 😊

In short, we had an amazing day meeting Joseph face to face. 💕It turns out he is quiet too like Quinn and this similarity caused Quinn to open up & they became great friends.

They climbed the climbing wall & came down the giant bouncy slide over & over & over!!!

Compassion put this day together for us at the unnamed amusement park/zoo & arranger for all the sponsored children to come with their social workers to meet us sponsors. We played & had lunch & they shared their Compassion files with us, which contain all of our correspondence & their school records.

Our Joseph is in boarding school but took a day off to be with us & by day’s end was asking us to visit again & to visit us in America. I told him & Quinn who both have more potential than their current academic records reflect that they need to “pull their socks up” (this is the Kenyan version of our bootstraps chastisement & then they can be successful & travel back & forth to their countries working hard & doing good to many.😅😊