On Suicide Prevention

Reader advisory: This post contains information on suicide which could be upsetting to some.

There is much out there on suicide prevention and awareness. But can we prevent suicide?

I speak from personal experience, having lost two of my five children to suicide.

Myth: Those who attempt suicide will first speak about their intentions.

Truth: The common thought seems to be that people who intend do use suicide as an option speak about it before. This not always true.

Myth: Those who have suicidal ideation will show signs (popularly discussed are giving away items, losing interest in previously enjoyed activities, or other major changes in routine).

Truth: Sometimes suicide occurs out of the blue without these signs. Someone can seem fine and happy and then they are lost to the world.

Myth: Only people with heavy depression decide to die by suicide.

Truth: Depression is only one factor for suicidal tendency. The reasons are as varied as the people who choose this option. During the Depression and the World Trade Center fires on 9/11 many jumped to their deaths because they felt (and were) trapped, whether physically or financially. Sometimes the pressures of life are too much. Solutions cannot be seen. The light at the end of the tunnel is too faint.

Myth: We can figure out with reasonable thinking strategies why someone has died by suicide.

Truth: Absolutely not. Suicide is by its nature an irrational act that has no reason or explanation. That is not to say that there were not factors that would reasonably lead to such action (financial, family, loss, or other situation that seems impossible to get past) but in the end suicide is not a rational act. While it may help us who are left behind to have an explanation that seems to fit, we will really never know the answers or completely understand.

Myth: We can prevent someone from dying by suicide. The neat little formula that I feel was taught in school and probably still is is that if someone expresses any of the model signs of having suicidal thoughts, we can speak with them and rescue them from this path and everyone lives happily ever after.

Truth: Like most things in life, this way of thinking is too simplistic. It does not take into account the myriad reasons someone might be considering ending his or her life. Sometimes the root causes of suicide can be caught and addressed with medication and of course by making the means more difficult to access. However, if someone is truly bent on this course of action it will probably happen inevitably. The is a dark thought I know but it seems to be true so there is no point in ignoring it.

So what can we do then if we encounter someone who appears to be suicidal? This will of course vary from scenario to scenario but in simple terms, we can just be there. We can be that person who helps in that moment, maybe it is with a kind word, a meal, a hug, a financial contribution, a listening ear. I also like to encourage my teenage children to (1) always have something to look forward to and (2) learn that every problem has a solution no matter how big the problem may seem.

That was a dark subject but I think it is important to face reality and not have the egotistical thought process and understanding that we have the power to change the course of someone else’s life. We only have that power with regard to our own.

Peace, love and blessings.