Notes From Real Life

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This title was a favorite quote of my late boss who had practiced law for fifty years. He would tell clients this in order to tamp down their expectations.

I Know I Know I Know we have the best system of justice in the world…but, man-made as it is, it still has its faults.

My recent experience in the family court highlights them. I think they can be especially apparent in this area which is built around balancing standards and full of daily he-said-she said.

This unfortunately makes it an ideal forum for narcissists and other abusers who are practiced at portraying a calm, reasonable demeanor as a public face. It is the perfect forum for them to force the status quo. The court can become an unwitting accomplice, and once that type of person is granted anything they can perceive as a victory, their power is unleashed.

Once unleashed, this type of person will throw in the face, taunt, force, intimidate until they get their way.

They will throw caution to the wind to try to prove a point. They will force discomfort and awkwardness on their children. They will come to your home uninvited and stand over you and your children while you try to eat your dinner. You never know how emboldened they will become…

When it comes to your children, how can you think in terms of win and lose? The only thing that matters is their current and future wellbeing, physical & emotional. I would be held in contempt, even go to jail…more…any day for standing up for my kids when they have been innocent.

So it is that I do not consider myself to have “lost” by being held in contempt for choosing to keep my kids with me rather than return them to their dad during the COVID pandemic.

For three months we stayed healthy together, learned together & worked together. I have the Best team. Last Tuesday the judge decided I had done wrong because, in his words but paraphrased, parents can’t go around making decisions in the best interest of their children. The children were ordered back to their dad’s and we are returning to our regular week to week schedule.

I guess it does not go over well to begin your opening statement with the fact that, with all due respect and no apologies, you did what your mother’s heart felt was best to protect your children during the unknown impending COVID pandemic.

I don’t consider it defeat. I consider it success. It doesn’t matter that their dad didn’t pay any more than the usual $242 per month child support or kept the economic impact payment for three of the kids. It doesn’t even really matter that he has traveled to Paris, London, Grand Cayman & Cuba and had planned to travel to Hawaii with his girlfriend but for COVID. All on his reported $1800 per month income. This once great top-of-his game tax planner.

It only matters that the kids stayed safe & healthy and that we had that time together.

And a daily dose of cuteness makes it better.

And where did dad & girlfriend head as soon as the “bad mama Order” issued? A Tampa water park. COVID be damned!

A moment ago we were “all in this together.” Now a civil war seems to have erupted in our nation, spreading across the world. The following texts come to mind, in that order, speaking to the inherent worth of Every human being. (As a conscious eater I also believe animals have their own inherent but different value but that is a different topic…) Could we strongly call out police brutality on an individual basis and deal with the root of the issues without violence and stealing? Our nation and world have been through enough. We don’t need to turn against one another and further ruin the economy upon which Everyone (but admittedly more immediately the “little guy,” whether black or white, woman or man) depends for true life, Liberty & the pursuit of happiness.

Full disclosure. Today is my birthday. 29 again! So as birthdays can cause us to do I began the day reflecting. The fact is I spent 20 years living peaceably in Colorado. Then I moved to this state called Florida and all hell broke loose…That’s one version. But upon closer examination it was revealed to me that sometimes what feels like hell breaking loose is actually heaven opening. What feels like losing control is allowing ourselves to grow. Staying little and quiet was my life for a while and I served my purpose then, birthing my babies, keeping them alive, even thriving I would argue, through toddlerhood, and keeping the household running. But sometimes being in a new place gives you new perspective and unleashes a desire to really live out a larger purpose.

If you saw the path ahead you might never venture forth. That is the truth.

If I had known that all in the space of two months I would create the biggest renovation of my life, complete with multiple managenent exercises with contractors and Home Depot…encounter two ornery realtors…be sued by one of their clients over $10,000 in escrow…be sued by my children’s father for wanting to protect them during the pandemic…all while monitoring the elearning…I would have run for cover!

If you had told me that 6 months ago I would have traveled to Kenya & met Joseph with my oldest son I would not have believed you.

If you had told me I would take another Bar exam after 20 years, open my own firm, have clients who are as amazing as all of mine, I would not have believed it.

So when I consider the fact that I may not be financially richer than I was two years ago I am richer in experience, the additional people in my life, life lessons, and this maybe is what it means to live at your potential. It is not always feeling comfortable and secure but it is growth, taking risks. It is exciting. It is life.

Even if our life is already pretty great, every day we need to consider what could be improved. Little things…moving something around to provide more convenience in the home….big things…a job or relationship change? Increasing happiness, love. And always, living at our potential. 🌿

I have been thinking about family situations where everyone at home all together right now is not as happy as it appears on Facebook. I know. I have been there. If this resonates with you, I am thinking of you and you are not alone. You are not the only one who has been in the place you’re in. You are not alone in your experience.

I know what it is, and so do others before you, to feel uncomfortable in your own home which should be a safe retreat. How it is to feel unloved by the one with whom you share your life, home, children…

This moment requires incredible strength. Be hopeful. Happiness and peace are reality and can be achieved. Sometimes it requires leaving a place of apparent comfort, a stretching beyond what you thought possible before.

This moment is a good one to take stock and consider where we are, where our potential calls us to be.✨I wanted to recommend a resource that has been helpful to me, http://www.melanietonievans.com. 💕

As I write this our Governor of Florida has issued an executive order that will restrict our freedom of movement and livelihood in an effort to curb the spread of Corona virus. As noted, the order is largely in response to the influx of New Yorkers who thwarted their own governor’s orders to stay put.

Who could have imagined we would be here? I wake up everyday thinking surely I have dreamed all of this. I think back to Q & I sitting at breakfast on our Kenyan trip in January seeing the event begin to become public as China list hold on keeping the situation quiet. Q is a huge news buff and was concerned but I reflected on previous events from recent history that seemed parallel, ebola, SARS, H1N1, and how they had largely fizzled our once they arrived on American soil. I never could have imagined this would be so different, the virus itself perhaps, but mainly the response.

And so here we are in this completely unprecedented environment, our lives altered drastically from even one month ago. I am not going to say it is all bad because I am a glass half full girl who does not give up until …well, never really…yet anyway.

In fact I secretly love (really really really Love!) having my children with me and one another back at home again, this time without the public scrutiny about whether I am a qualified teacher (well, no, but I have passed three Bar exams on the first try, one while homeschooling 4 children) or whether they would be socially paralyzed (never really my parental aim to raise the most popular Phi Delta Kappa …pardon me if that is not real “Greek” as I eschewed that whole thing myself other than attending some parties). I absolutely Love how my kids have become best buds again, the boys goofing around playing basketball in their room until late (I try to overlook the impact on my home…yikes!) and the girls giving their creativity full reign, making homemade playdo & entertaining us all with “magic” shows. I have actually been waiting my whole life since for a governmental order that would help me slow down although I have to warn my family that it will probably just inflict upon them the I mania I generally direct more outwardly toward those in the community where drive & intensity are a bit more welcomed.

Anyway, this is not at all what I came here to write, which may now sound disjointed but remains important…I think…but that’s for you to judge…this is My site after all, my private forum for sharing since my therapist is on break (to be fair she offered phone conferences but there is just something about going & laying on the couch that seems more worth paying for).

I feel like with everything going on we all forgot that WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE. This physical life as we know it is but a breath. We didn’t earn it. It didn’t come with a guarantee. It’s a one shot deal (until we find out otherwise for certain…). We aren’t entitled to the current average life expectancy of wherever we are currently living.

I can only speak for myself but I don’t really want to spend my one little burst of humanity hiding out waiting for the grim reaper to not notice me so he can take the next guy. I don’t really want to stockpile Lysol & beans & tell the delivery guy to just drop the groceries out there (for the record I still accept hand delivery…and then run up to shower & douse the box with massive amounts of Clorox all according to what the CDC is telling me today!!!). I don’t want to not hug. This is all tongue in cheek, not meant to dismiss the pains of death that has come to many and their families. Of course not!

I work fairly up close and personal to death. Couldn’t be a doc because I am absolutely squeamish about blood & guts but in estate planning the inevitably of death is the elephant in the room, often taking up a large space at the conference table. I’ve walked through sickness and end of life with several clients and their beloved spouses and families. I have witnessed their pain. I watched my own sweet mama whither & pass from my life like a flower just over three years ago. So I am in no way making light.

But to me, enjoyment of life comes from being cognizant of it’s eventual end & yet unafraid to embrace it full strength. Like a vacation you know has a certain termination. Like a tiny bite of dessert that should be savored.

I understand the need to take a break right now but I hope we will be able to embrace life fully again soon. For now I’m going to put my energy toward embracing it here at home and remotely for my clients. Believe me, this alone could reopen society quite quickly as they may all be begging for reprieve from my focus.

I still didn’t write what I came here to 😂 so tune in again soon! Until then, “stay safe” but live fully!

So … I made a decision to keep my kids with me rather than exchanging them during the current health crisis. I have taken pains with the health of these five children since their birth (before!), making them homemade baby food from my garden fruits and vegetables, eradicating almost all man made chemical products from our home, teaching them how to heal from the inside out and use natural products instead of man made on our bodies, how to use homeopathic and other natural remedies trusted for centuries. Whenever they return from their dad’s after staying up too late and eating a meat based diet they have nagging coughs that need to be remedied. In December when my one son was sick for weeks I took care of him while his dad took everyone including the girlfriend & her kids during his parenting time to Busch Gardens. On Christmas Eve he left this same son home all alone while sick. This time I was not taking the chance.

I notified him politely about my decision but instead of wanting to cooperate in the best interests of our children he stalked us to our investment property where I was meeting with my team and the children were climbing the tree & playing basketball and barricaded my vehicle in the driveway by parking across the drive.

Fortunately two male members of my team were there because otherwise I am pretty sure he would have forced the children into his vehicle. Instead I was able to load everyone into my vehicle and escape. Not before he made my youngest girl cry fearfully by telling her he was calling the police.

It ended up being me who needed to enlist the help of the sheriff’s department because he followed me toward my home. Instead of being able to take my kids he received a ticket.

I will never stop standing up for my kids, their physical and emotional well being. They are my most valuable assets. Anyone who wants can take my money, my freedom, my ability to make a living, can burden me in any way they want, but my heart will never stop beating within these precious creatures.

I just dropped my oldest son off at his SAT test site. These poor kids, in the midst of all this coronavirus craziness, having to sit down & focus on this significant barrier test. So I thought I would address thee current environment…

In full disclosure, I have no medical background (too squeamish about blood to consider med school over law school).

As I write this I have been receiving email notice after email notice that the various events comprising my life as an attorney & mom of five are one by one being canceled, as well as notifications from various provides from internet providers to the HOA Management company to my frequently used airlines detailing the safeguard procedures they are following. Just this morning I learned that the testing site where my son should have been canceled the SAT at the last minute. Fortunately we had signed up in the neighboring county since our sites were already full when we decided to register.

I have never in my lifetime witnessed a wholesale shutdown of life as we know it. Not with H1-N1 in 2009 or Ebola in 2014. The closest experience has been with Hurricane Irma. That mirrored the shortages and panic I am now witnessing, though that was limited to a more local level. Here we see it widespread, handed down from world level authorities (WHO), national (CDC) & on down through the stare and local government levels.

Yet…if you are not paying attention to all the closures or trying to buy toilet paper or vitamin c, life seems unaffected. I was sitting with my laptop at a local Starbucks while my son tested this morning and can attest that life was going on! There were no masks, gloves or any other special precautionary measures. Business as usual.

But it will not be for long with all the forced closures. We saw earlier this week the panic reflected in the stock market. Never a good thing. Although on the positive side, for consumers anyway, gas prices were down!

Here is what the most local level of government, me as Manager of the Kelly Family Enterprises (not a real entity, silly…don’t go looking that up on sunbiz!) is prescribing for my most cherished patrons. We are continuing to wash our hands or use our handy Norwex cloths while on the go; remove our footwear at the door; take our vitamins; eat our veggies; drink our Berkey filtered water; get outside; and run away from anyone coughing (slightly tongue in cheek but aren’t we all a little on edge at the moment…). But I’ll take this moment to mention my practice of using homeopathic remedies as part of my home treatment methods. Several are available at your local health store at low cost to treat the various symptoms associated with Corona. I subscribe to the traditional method of one of the remedies at a time. I also picked up this essential oil…can’t hurt. We rub a little on every day before going out. If nothing else we smell great (to me anyway…not all the kids love the scent). I also always keep on hand my food remedies (all organic): garlic, lemons, raw honey, celery & cinnamon (ground & stick form).

Meanwhile, we continue to live our lives..and enjoy the break from school & professional events!

Stay healthy out there and try not to let fear rule over you!

Today in yoga the instructor asked us to hold and focus on a yoga block throughout our entire 45 minute power class. This was to be our drishti, yoga for focus.

At one point she described the block as a challenge and said that the way we show up on our mat is the way we show up in life.

I was encouraged because in every pose I found a way to include my block. Translation to my life: I find creative solutions to life’s obstacles, whether presented in the parenting side of my job, my legal client’s legal needs or in my real estate investing.

I have learned from my mentor that staying calm in the face of challenge allows us to consider the possibilities.

After all, life will always present challenges. Handling them with grace, learning through the process, is our life’s work.

Namaste.