Today is a day for celebrating dads. But sometimes single moms fill the role of both mom and dad.
Webster’s defines single mom as a mother who does not have a husband or partner. This definition leaves the field wide open and can include the full panoply of examples we see of divorcee or never married mamas.
On one end of the spectrum we have moms who enjoy a lot of support from the kids’ dad, whether hands on or financial or both. At the other end of the spectrum could be moms who are going it totally alone.
It is always hopeful that kids will have some semblance of a male role model to fill in. This can come in various forms, from a grandpa or other family member, maybe a wonderful involved step father or even family friend or coach. Or hopefully all of the above!
Even when married or having a partner we know based on statistics and surveys that moms shoulder the large portion of household tasks from cleaning to scheduling and the endless ferrying of children to and fro. Our God given natures have made us excellent multi taskers. So much more so in the situation of the single mom! We need to be both mom and dad, whether occasionally during our parenting time or always. This means teaching teenage boys how to ask a girl out while also feeding their endless appetites for homemade meals. It means listening to our girls cry about a perceived slight while also demonstrating for them how we can provide for our family in the traditional male sense.
It is exhausting and empowering. It is endless yet fleeting. It is frustration and elation.
Until I was on my own I never knew the immense pleasure and pride of being able to satisfy my large family’s daily needs, from clothing to schooling to doctors and birthday gifts for friends. It is indeed an incentive like none other to be successful.
Before looking up the definition before writing this article I was always hesitant to call myself a single mother over the past 5 years that I have been one. In my case their dad lives just a few miles away and they spend every other week at his house. But the fact is that when it comes to setting an example of successful independence only I can do this, having founded my own company at which I work tirelessly and purchased my own home when I could have easily moved into another’s as their dad did. I am selfish in that I wanted my kids all for myself. I eschewed traditional relationship that would distract me from what I viewed as my current life purpose.
Our children are only young once. If you believe a certain version of life, they chose to be with us. Another provides that God lent them to us. In either case, I take this job very seriously and don’t want to let it pass by without me giving it my all.
My kids sometimes call me a workaholic but we also have a lot of side by side fun together exploring nature, attending church, traversing amusement parks (where I have been forbidden to scream in the roller coasters), and of course riding in the car together.
I am pleased that my teens hang out with me in ways I would never have done with my parents at their age. And every day I try to maintain this connection. Anytime they want to do something with me I find a way. One Sunday after church they wanted to go to lunch. All 4 agreeing on the same restaurant! I could not say no. We enjoyed a lovely impromptu (and rather expensive) luncheon.
Each event is a memory and a foundation for our future family relationships.
So…to all the single moms out there, Happy Fathers’ Day to you too! Enjoy! You deserve it!
👔🌟👏🏆💖
Notes From Real Life 