Open Letter From Your Dying Mother or Father

This post is informed by the clients and families I have served in my role as an estate planning and probate attorney and all the different scenarios I have witnessed. It is also inspired by my father who cared for his own mother who suffered from alzhiemers until she was 100 in her own home, performing hilarious acts of “losing the keys,” “taking the car in for service,” and “cleaning the stove knobs” to make sure she and others stayed safe yet happy.

Please make sure I am not lonely enough to have to accept the false love of a romantic scammer.

Please recognize when I am struggling to live on my own even if I resist out of fierce independence.

Please don’t let me accidentally kill a younger person while driving my car. If I can’t get around very well or am not thinking clearly please be strong enough to hide my keys.

Please encourage … forcefully if needed … me to get my affairs in order no matter how fine I am feeling. My end will come eventually and I don’t want to leave a mess behind.

Please don’t perform deathbed gymnastics and try to get me to sign legal documents while I am in the hospital.

Please don’t be waiting for me to die just so you can profit from whatever my assets are.

Please be my advocate and check in on me regularly whether I am living at home or in a facility. Maybe I need someone to come in weekly or even daily to help me if you are out of town.

Please encourage me to take advantage of the conveniences of uber and grocery delivery so I am not struggling to make my way around the grocery store or just not eating.

Please consider providing help with pets. My pet is my companion and important to my well being but I may not be able to provide for their needs as well as I once did.

Please be my advocate and ask the questions I cannot in the hospital and of my doctors and other financial and health providers.

Please encourage me to socialize at the senior center or provide companionship that can come into my home.

Please ask the hard questions about what I consider quality of life.