Parenting is not for the faint of heart. Having a house full of teenagers is Really not for the faint of heart. It can drive you to the brink of madness. One minute they are pushing you away. The next they are needy and demanding of your time and presence. You never see them when you’re all at home but as soon as you dare to leave the house for a moment they are texting or calling demanding to know where you are & what time you’ll be back.
And sometimes things get extreme. My middle school son began to withdraw from the family and refuse to eat anything I made for meals (though he’d snack like a boss). A very able kid, his academic performance began to decline. I tried many things but was really at a loss.
One evening things came to a head in a power struggle, a battle of our wills. (Unfortunately you can no longer scoop the teenager up & place them into their car seat. That is the main difference between the toddler and teenager tantrum. Size. That’s it. In most other respects they are the same.) I hadn’t planned it and obviously it is not recommended by parenting books or sites, but by the end of the engagement the phone has ended up in the lake behind my house (or somewhere thereabouts in the swampy grass …I’ve never claimed to have a great throwing arm). Was this the best course of action? It certainly brought on a slew of more anger from son. And was obviously not the best economic decision.
But boy am I glad I did it. It took a few days, and we sought out some professional counseling, but now suddenly he is laughing and joking with his brothers and sisters, doing his schoolwork, playing outside and eating again! I think he needed to hear the counselors affirm that mom is in charge and that if mom feels she needs to take the phone she will.
So…not recommending necessarily as a first course of action but sometimes extreme situations call for extend solutions. Things could not have gone on as they were. Something needed to break the log jam. But, honestly, if I had known the outcome would be so positive I would have done it a long time ago. Phones cause such a battle. But I think we had to get to this point. Bottom line: to me, the cost of a lost phone is worth it to save my son’s heart, family relationships and sense of self. And I think he knows I mean it, that I really do what I say and that I really care about him. Extremely.
Notes From Real Life 