When you are dealing with a narcissist co-parent people who have never experienced one will say things like: it will all turn out, the kids will be fine, just be nice and he’ll come around, and… just sit down and talk to him about it.
These reasonable advice givers do not understand that the more you attempt to reason with the narcissist the more inclined they are to do the opposite of what you are asking. This makes no sense of course. The only reason is because they want you to react. This is what fuels them. It is sick and crazy but true.
They long for the day when they had you in their grasp and could turn the situation from a pleasant morning or evening into a hellish one so fast it made your head spin as you sat in your puddle of tears on the bathroom floor wondering what you did wrong and vowing to yourself that you would fix whatever character flaw it could have been so you could have a healthy happy relationship.
If you’re there now and reading this, hear me: IT IS NOT YOU!
The only true way to escape a narcissist is to get the hell completely away from them. Sever ALL ties.
But if you made the big mistake of having children with a narcissist you cannot do this while you are forced to co parent.
The narcissist will demand and be able to convince the court to grant him equal parenting time even though he has NO interest in parenting. Your babies will be left unattended and untended. You will helplessly hear stories from them of their father leaving them alone morning and night to pursue his own superstar sports activities. You will hear them beg you to not make them go to their dad’s but you will be forced by the court to leave them on his door step as they cry to you not to leave them.
You will see them dressed in rags in their school pictures taken while with him.
They will raid your pantry and fridge out of hungry desperation when they return to your care, having been forced to eat only meat, as raw as possible, for the last week.
You will suggest to them that they talk to to their dad about wanting to spend time with him without other women present and you will cry your heart out when they tell you they did and he ignored their requests.
And so would you be if you were threatened that your face would be smashed.
You will watch as your kids are moved around from cruddy apartment to cruddier apartment when they could be living at your home.
And you will die a little when he tells you he’ll be moving them into his girlfriend’s home.
You will hear your kids speak of the grand promises made by him and you will know that he will let them down like he did you time and again.
You will watch their dad strongarm them into not taking medication prescribed by their doctor and prevent them from attending counseling sessions.
And time and again you will hear attorneys tell you it is just not enough to change the situation. There must be bruises, real evidence of abuse.
And that is the really sick part. The brokenness of the system.
That allows your beautiful family to be ripped apart.
So save yourself heartache that will never heal and do not have children with a narcissist.
Notes From Real Life 