Musings on Motherhood

When you run a large family you have to be good at inventory. There is a certain magic to making sure you have enough of everything, not too much. If you stockpile you have no room for it all. If you wait to replenish and run out, heaven help you in the morning rush out the door if you don’t have the bottled water one child insists on. Thank God for Target same day pick up & Amazon delivery! How did families do without?! When we lived in Denver we had milk delivery. Actually they would deliver all dairy, string cheese, sour cream and the Best chocolate milk!

You also live in dread of something throwing you off track. An injury or spill as you are running out the door.

Sometimes when you drive you are completely on autopilot, thinking of a million things. You end up where you are meant to go…or Not if it is a stop off your car’s normal route! but without any conscious thought at all.

Before I had a toddler I looked down on someone relating how theirs had crawled under the airport chairs to eat popcorn that had spilled onto the floor. How could a parent be so irresponsible? Fast forward to me with a toddler & a baby & witness the toddler popping previously chewed (we used to call it ABC – already been chewed!) gum into his mouth. OMG! My germaphobic nature about had a heart attack. This as is parenting. You cannot prevent every harm or danger no matter how much you want or try to.

Before I had a teenager I judged people who did not have a close relationship with their older kids. Reality hit when I thought I was doing all the right things and mine called my bluff when I removed privileges for not carrying out responsibilities and went to live under dad’s unsupervised realm instead. He barely talked to me for four months and every time he went to the girlfriend’s when he wouldn’t come to my home was a blade in my heart. It gave me perspective, that we cannot control the outcome, how our children will be even when we are responsible and loving as a parent.

I am working on a theory that is that no matter what we do our kiss will be who they are going to be. Whether this is encouraging or discouraging I am not sure. I guess as my boss used to say the proof is in the pudding. When things work out it is easy to put it down to our having something or everything right. But when they don’t…? Maybe we neither need blame or absolve ourselves.