Pandemic

As I write this our Governor of Florida has issued an executive order that will restrict our freedom of movement and livelihood in an effort to curb the spread of Corona virus. As noted, the order is largely in response to the influx of New Yorkers who thwarted their own governor’s orders to stay put.

Who could have imagined we would be here? I wake up everyday thinking surely I have dreamed all of this. I think back to Q & I sitting at breakfast on our Kenyan trip in January seeing the event begin to become public as China list hold on keeping the situation quiet. Q is a huge news buff and was concerned but I reflected on previous events from recent history that seemed parallel, ebola, SARS, H1N1, and how they had largely fizzled our once they arrived on American soil. I never could have imagined this would be so different, the virus itself perhaps, but mainly the response.

And so here we are in this completely unprecedented environment, our lives altered drastically from even one month ago. I am not going to say it is all bad because I am a glass half full girl who does not give up until …well, never really…yet anyway.

In fact I secretly love (really really really Love!) having my children with me and one another back at home again, this time without the public scrutiny about whether I am a qualified teacher (well, no, but I have passed three Bar exams on the first try, one while homeschooling 4 children) or whether they would be socially paralyzed (never really my parental aim to raise the most popular Phi Delta Kappa …pardon me if that is not real “Greek” as I eschewed that whole thing myself other than attending some parties). I absolutely Love how my kids have become best buds again, the boys goofing around playing basketball in their room until late (I try to overlook the impact on my home…yikes!) and the girls giving their creativity full reign, making homemade playdo & entertaining us all with “magic” shows. I have actually been waiting my whole life since for a governmental order that would help me slow down although I have to warn my family that it will probably just inflict upon them the I mania I generally direct more outwardly toward those in the community where drive & intensity are a bit more welcomed.

Anyway, this is not at all what I came here to write, which may now sound disjointed but remains important…I think…but that’s for you to judge…this is My site after all, my private forum for sharing since my therapist is on break (to be fair she offered phone conferences but there is just something about going & laying on the couch that seems more worth paying for).

I feel like with everything going on we all forgot that WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE. This physical life as we know it is but a breath. We didn’t earn it. It didn’t come with a guarantee. It’s a one shot deal (until we find out otherwise for certain…). We aren’t entitled to the current average life expectancy of wherever we are currently living.

I can only speak for myself but I don’t really want to spend my one little burst of humanity hiding out waiting for the grim reaper to not notice me so he can take the next guy. I don’t really want to stockpile Lysol & beans & tell the delivery guy to just drop the groceries out there (for the record I still accept hand delivery…and then run up to shower & douse the box with massive amounts of Clorox all according to what the CDC is telling me today!!!). I don’t want to not hug. This is all tongue in cheek, not meant to dismiss the pains of death that has come to many and their families. Of course not!

I work fairly up close and personal to death. Couldn’t be a doc because I am absolutely squeamish about blood & guts but in estate planning the inevitably of death is the elephant in the room, often taking up a large space at the conference table. I’ve walked through sickness and end of life with several clients and their beloved spouses and families. I have witnessed their pain. I watched my own sweet mama whither & pass from my life like a flower just over three years ago. So I am in no way making light.

But to me, enjoyment of life comes from being cognizant of it’s eventual end & yet unafraid to embrace it full strength. Like a vacation you know has a certain termination. Like a tiny bite of dessert that should be savored.

I understand the need to take a break right now but I hope we will be able to embrace life fully again soon. For now I’m going to put my energy toward embracing it here at home and remotely for my clients. Believe me, this alone could reopen society quite quickly as they may all be begging for reprieve from my focus.

I still didn’t write what I came here to 😂 so tune in again soon! Until then, “stay safe” but live fully!